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Forever Missing My Dad

Moving forward, even though it’s not easy.

By Chelsea JonesPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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July 7, 2017: Just six months before he passed...

January 31, 2018 was a day I will never forget... I remember every detail. It was a Wednesday, and I had just began to work on my second patient of the morning when I heard my office manager behind me. I turned to see if she needed me, and saw her pointing. I read the words as they silently rolled off her lips, “Your brother is here.” Immediately, my heart sank. I knew something wasn’t right. Tears started to well up as I excused myself from the operatory. I stepped out of the room to see my younger brother standing there at the end of the hallway waiting for me. His face was troubled, his body was tense, and his voice was almost unrecognizable. My dad had gone missing the night before, and his body had been found that morning. Sooo many questions started flowing through my mind. Why? Where was his body found? How did this happen to him? Maybe there was a mixup. There was no way that it could be “MY DAD.” No possible way that he could really be gone. It was so difficult to put the pieces together... It was troubling to believe. It was harder to even BREATHE. My world came crumbling down in an instant.

The emotional pain sent my mind twisting and turning, as if it were on a very dangerous rollercoaster ride. My thoughts became negative, toxic, and undeniably poisoned. I became angry with my God. Angry that he would let this happen to him! Why? What had he done to deserve it? How was any of this in “God’s plan?” He worked his whole life, several jobs at a time JUST TO PROVIDE. Everything he did, he did for our family. How was he taken from his wife of 20 years? His seven children? What were they going to do without him? How was any of this supposed to happen?

I would wake up each morning hoping it was just a nightmare, only to realize it wasn’t. I took long showers, allowing the tears to blend in with the water flowing down my face. I would sing. I’ve always been one to connect with music. Sometimes, I was singing for him. Other times, I was singing to help myself cope. I would drive aimlessly. I would stare up at the stars just imagining him in heaven, laughing and carrying on.

I still find myself in pain, but it’s only temporary. When negative thoughts cross my mind, I combat them with positive thoughts. His life was taken, BUT he is in a better place. He isn’t here with me physically, BUT he is always with me in spirit. I can’t see him right now, BUT I will see him again one day!

The truth is he would not want me to stop living just because he is no longer here. In fact, he would be preaching about how I needed to seize the day! Travel. Go skydiving. Swim with the sharks. Be the daredevil who lives to tell a story worth talking about!

You truly never know what is going to happen from one day to the next.

My dad’s passing has affected me in more ways than you can ever imagine. I haven’t fully healed, and I don’t believe that I ever will. However, I have come to terms that this is a reality for our family. I accept that he is no longer with us, although it’s not what I would have ever wanted. I still shed tears in his honor, but I can also think of him without crying. I’m able to smile when I think about his kind heart, his willingness to give the shirt off his back, and the love he showed us. I love the pride he had in growing out his beard, how he loved his motorcycle, and how silly he was. I even miss his pitiful pouty face and his innocent smile when he jokingly tried to hide something from you.

My dad was a good man: Respectable, honorable, and hardworking. I will forever be grateful for the great times we shared. It was amazing to love him, but spectacular to be loved BY HIM. I wouldn’t be where I am today without his guidance. I know he WAS proud of me, and I know he still IS. I love him, forever and always.

For all who may be going through the loss of a parent, please know that even though it doesn’t feel like it right now... you will be okay.

His baby girl,

Chelsea

grief
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About the Creator

Chelsea Jones

Motivated, passionate, and honest. I believe you should show yourself the love it deserves, and follow what fuels your dreams!

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