For the Little Brother Who Changed My Life

As frustrating, obnoxious, and downright irritating my brother can get, I still love him. My little brother has autism and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

My little brother Lucas was born about a year and a half after I was. He was officially diagnosed with autism at age three, even though my parents knew long before then about his special needs. He is now 17 and has completely shaped who I am as a person.

Many people look at him weirdly in public, wondering why he is flapping his hands against his shirt and making odd, almost screeching noises. Many people will give rude looks at him when he loudly asks, “What’s your name?” with no other introduction. Others will look at my family and I to say, “Why don’t you teach him to behave better?” I just want to say for myself and every other person who has a loved one with special needs that this is him behaving well.

Now, I do not expect a random bystander to understand what autism is, regardless of the overwhelming amount of awareness for this disorder in this day and age. I do ask that people are kind and polite to him as long as he is doing the same. Autism spectrum disorder is a disorder is one in which a person has learning and developmental disabilities that may make it difficult both socially and emotionally for one. My little brother doesn’t hear things like a normal person would. An alarm clock for my brother may sound like a freight train for me. My brother also has sensory issues. He used to only eat macaroni and cheese. We also threw a whole party when my brother ate a French fry for the first time! He has many other issues, such as not being able to look me in the eyes when I talk to him and not being able to focus on more than one task at a time. These all come with autism spectrum disorder. My family is very lucky that brother is verbal and when I say verbal, I mean the boy never shuts up. Other families have other sets of challenges when the child is nonverbal and only communicates through different ways.

My family took a trip to Six Flags St. Louis today and took my brother along. We are very lucky because he is very high functioning, allowing us to take him in high traffic places like Six Flags. He asked numerous people the normal, “What’s your name?” and “Where are you from?” Most people were very receptive and kind (which my family and I are always grateful for), but others weren’t as open to his inquiries. My little brother even at one point told a woman he has “all systems” (his way of pronouncing autism). It got me thinking of how many lives he impacts in one day.

Personally, my little brother changed the course of my life when he came into it. From a very young age, I was expected to help out a lot with caring for my two younger sisters (who came after my brother), cleaning the house, and taking care of myself. My brother was a handful with numerous hospital and therapy visits throughout his childhood. I often tagged along with my parents or stayed at home on my own, as I got older. This forced me to learn how to prepare my sisters and I simple meals and care for us all. I grew into an almost "3rd adult" position in the family.

As we got even older, I began to also watch my brother when my mother worked her second job and my dad found work out of town. Through the years, I became extremely close with my brother. I closely watched the way my mother was with him and helped him cope so I could do the same when she was away. I would use phrases like, "Look at my eyes," to get him to listen to what I was telling him. I would observe how he would cope when he got stressed out, like when he would flap his ears with his hands or flap his hands right in front of his chest. I learned how to hold conversations with him about things he enjoyed. He especially likes elevators. He can tell you what kind of elevator we are about to get on just by looking at the buttons from the outside. I have spent countless hours with Lucas to get to know his likes, dislikes, and triggers so I could care for him in the best way possible.

Unfortunately, I also had to deal with his violent meltdowns time and time again. When he was much younger, very little things would set him off. Whether it was his Thomas the Tank Engine VHS tape not working or someone touching one of his trains, he would be sent into a fury that would result in hair pulling, screaming, and sometimes biting. To this day, I have scars from him digging his nails into my skin until I bled. As the oldest, it was my job to calm him down when my mother wasn't around. This is when our bond became very important. I would have to get him to a point where I could get him to rock in his chair or go to his room to calm down. These times were scary for my younger sisters and I, but it taught me a lot about how difficult things were for my brother.

Over the years, I have seen Lucas's struggles. On his sixteenth birthday, he was devastated he couldn't get his driver's license and drive a school bus (he really likes school buses too). Watching this humbled me in a way, I cannot begin to describe. All this boy wanted was to drive a school bus and he would never get the chance. It made me think about how my brother, who I loved so dearly, will never quite get all the experiences I will and that I should never take anything in my life for granted. Teenagers in today's world just expect to get their licenses, get their first car, go on road trips with friends, and have all that freedom at their fingertips. Yet, my brother never will.

My brother is the most content kid I have ever met despite this. He is happy with his battery-powered four-wheeler we got him that doesn't go over three MPH, his drives to the mall to ride all the elevators up and down for a couple of hours, and going to the high school to run the scoreboard for the volleyball games. He is happy being in charge of the GPS when we go on long trips and going to summer camp with other children with special needs and he will continue to be happy. I am so blessed to have a young man in my life that has shown me that despite all the world has put against him, he is happy and living his best life. My little brother will graduate next year and my mother and I are looking for other options for him after high school to allow him to continue doing things he loves, but you can expect that I will be there by his side through all he needs.