Five Things I've Seen or Have Learned as a Parent

NO parent is perfect and neither am I. But I'm raising my son to be a man. I want him to grow up happy, healthy, and in a loving home. No day is perfect in our house and I don't expect it to be. I never want to wish the time away that I have with him, but when he becomes an adult I want him to have morals, values, a good head on his shoulder, good work ethics, and one day a happy home for him to go home too. These are just some things, some big things I've either experienced, read about, or have seen along my journey as a parent so far.

First topic, Arguing around children. When it comes to parenting, you are raising a boy to become a man and a girl to become a woman. As they get older, they watch how their parents act, talk, walk, treat other people. Whether you are either together or separated, you are going to have times were you and the other parent are going to disagree on things. If your child is around, you have to watch how you argue. Try not to raise your voice, swear, or do anything petty. Because they are watching you and one day those traits are going to come out in school, college, life, or eventually when they get married. Treat others around you as you would like to be treated and let your child watch that. They will get older and do the same.

Second topic, complaining or venting to a friend about the other parent. DON'T DO IT AROUND THE KIDS! Women go over to their friends house or meet up with them somewhere and they both start venting to each other about their loved ones. Guys, you do it too. You go over to your friends or meet up, and you do the same thing you talk about her in front of the kids. You both see it as getting stuff off your chest. It could be as simple as it's that one thing that he/she does that drives you nuts. But your children think your talking bad about mommy or daddy, they might think they should have that opinion about them or they might get mad at you for talking about their mommy or daddy. Everyone needs to vent, we are human and we cannot keep things bottled up. Try to find an appropriate time to communicate with your loved ones or vent to a friend. Try not to do it in front of your children and if your child does hear you talking about mommy or daddy, talk to them about it. This will defuse two situations, one your child being mad at you or being mad at the other parent. And number two, your child might go back to the other person and repeat something you said. Don't go into details... Just dad/mom and I had a disagreement and I was talking about it with a friend. Let them ask questions if they need to.

Third topic, grandparents. Grandparents are the best. They love to spoil the kids and they are there when you need a break. They are like undercover superheroes. They get to do everything they couldn't do with you but your grandparents got to do with you. They can get your kids jacked up on candy and then give them back. This one time, I had to go see a family member in the hospital because they just got out of surgery. It wouldn't have been appropriate to bring my son and at the time I think it was flu season so he wouldn't have been aloud in the room anyways so I left him with my dad. I was gone a little over four hours. In that time, they went for a walk, watch cartoons, played, and hand three bowls of ice cream. Some wouldn't see as a big deal but others might get what I'm saying when I tell all of you, this was at four in the afternoon. By the time I got back and picked him up it was a little after 8 PM. His bed time is eight thirty. I figured he would be up a little later because he might fall asleep on the ride home. I was wrong. He was awake the entire ride home and he was up until almost midnight. At 11:15 PM I text my dad a picture of my son and said, "still going strong, what did you two do this evening?"

He texted back a bunch of "HA" and said we had lots of ice cream. This doesn't happen often but when a grandparent or family member spoils our son, we are ok with it. But I have read some articles where a grandparent lets a child get away with too much and then when he/she gets home, the child is out of control. Just remind your parents when they watch him/her it's great to have fun and let them get away with some things, but just make sure there is some structure. Please don't let them run your house while they are there.

Fourth topic, spoiling your child. Spoiling your child feels great. But you shouldn't do it always. They start expecting things. Where we live, we have to drive 20 - 45 minutes to get to certain stores. So we go grocery shopping once a month and other shopping, like if someone needs new shoes, shirts, or if we need stuff for the house we go once a week to once every two weeks. When we go to the store sometimes I will intentionally say no to our son because I do not want him to think that every time we go out he needs to get something new. Don't get me wrong, he's not at that age yet where he is asking for things and when he picks things up he typically puts them down and forgets about them. But it's about four times out of ten he gets something and sometimes what he gets isn't a great new toy. Sometimes it's something he needs. So his new item might be a new pair of shoes or an outfit that was on sale. But I feel that if I make this the precedent now, when he gets older, it will help... at least some.

I don't want my child to feel entitled and act like people owe him something. He needs to learn that he has to earn things. When he gets older and starts asking to having things at the store, I'm going to ask him did you pick up your toys like you were asked too? If we get you this toy can we donate a toy to someone that could use it? Did you listen at the sitters? Have you been a good boy today or the last couple days? One day he's going to have an after school job or after he graduates he's going to be out in the "real world" where he is going to need a job to pay bills. He can't show up to work just thinking the business owner needs to hand him a pay check. He needs to earn it.

Finally topic number five, "well, I'm the mother..." or "well, I'm the father..." Some of you have heard it said like this and others have heard it said different ways. This is when one parent is referring to being the parent all the time because the other one is not able to be around as much as they would like to be. There are three reasons why people say this, first is for attention. They want sympathy from friends and family but when their loved one comes home everything is perfect in their world. Second, is because this parent feels like they need a reward for being with and taking care of their child all day. And third, is because they think that since they are the parent with the child all day every day, it's their child and they will make up the rules. Believe me I get being "the mother" but we don't say that nonsense in my house. My house is not ran like back in the 50s where the women took care of everything at home and the man worked. In my house our son is with me 100 percent of the time. From the second I get up till I drop him off at the sitters. Then pick him up and he is with me until he goes to bed. When I moved here, for years I had a bunch of crappy jobs until I landed a great one. A perfect one to have kids with. I pick my own hours. I can leave early if I have too. If I can't come in one morning because of something else, I can go in that evening. And those days when the sitter is busy, I can take my son to work with me. Not that I'll get much done but the option is there.

This wouldn't work with my husband's job. When we first had our son, my husband worked at a factory. Same hours Monday through Friday and weekends off. It was nice because we were able spent a lot of time together, evening and weekends. His new job, not so much. He works hectic hours and only has two days off in the middle of the week. If we are lucky, we get to see each other an hour a day. So in our house, I am the main parent and I don't mean in this in a bad way at all. Those times where my husband has the chance to spend a mornings with our son, he sticks to the schedule that I created because toddlers love schedules. They love having an agenda and if we stick to our sons, then he is a happy boy. At the end of the night, after a day that went some what smooth, I get to sit down for twenty minutes, relax and have me time. Which makes me a happy mom and wife. When our son is sick, my husband will not give him medicine unless I text him or leave a note because he doesn't want to forget or give him a double dose. We both think that it's best if one person is giving him his medicine because then nothing gets mixed up or messed up. And these are not because what I say goes because as some would say, "well I'm the mother." This is because I am the main parent right now while my husband is creating a better future for us.