Families logo

Finding Purpose

From Childhood Trauma to Motherhood

By Megan WrightPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
Like

I always knew I wanted to be a mum. Maternal instincts came naturally to me, even from a young age. While our birth mum neglected and abused us, I had cared for my younger siblings in ways a five-year-old never should have to. And as tragic as all that was, from those events that I experienced I have learnt what NOT to do. I now have wonderful parents who took up the role of looking after me and I honestly feel I am a better person because of all the things I’ve experienced. And I still felt so sure that motherhood was for me.

However, not long after I found out I was pregnant and the initial overwhelming burst of happiness had flooded my heart I began to worry and anxiety creeped in. For a while I silently worried, afraid to voice my fears to those close to me, that my mothers actions towards me were strictly biological, no escaping it, I feared I was destined to be just like her, where I had strived and was proud to be the exact opposite. I thought that maybe I could never be good enough. Maybe my baby wouldn't love me as a constant thought of mine has always been, how can anyone else possibly love me if my own mum, who is biologically programmed to love me doesn’t?

I’ve referred to biology three times now and it had occurred to me sometime during my second trimester as I began to prepare for my baby (something I felt for sure that my mum had never done) that in some cases, those things simply don’t matter. I am a firm believer in nurture over nature, I just needed reminding of that. My parents love me and my daughter dearly, we’re not blood related but they love us all the same. And my worries about my own mothering abilities have been put to rest as time has passed by because I know what I am capable of, I’ve overcome so much in life, and I do still struggle with anxiety and some post part in depression but in my own way I’m dealing with that a fresh because of my daughter, comparing my own emotions and experiences to that of my mothers and wondering how she could ever justify her actions towards us. My mother had always blamed her actions on her own depression, while I experience this myself on a regular basis, I cannot even begin to comprehend how she could have done the things she did to her children. For me, when I feel depressed or anxious, it become irrelevant if Alice is around or it effects her, like when she needs to go outside for some fresh air and my anxiety makes me feel paralysed with fear of what-ifs. In my opinion, a child comes above anything a parent might be feeling. However, we all deal with our grievances in our own ways.

And now, I have Alice, my daughter, and I’ve never felt more sure of myself where her and my abilities to be her parent are concerned. I feel I have truly found my purpose in her. She is my inspiration.

parents
Like

About the Creator

Megan Wright

First time mum wanting to share my thoughts

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.