Family Tree

Trees take years to grow up and be strong. Each year they form a new ring and grow leaves and branches. As the tree continues to grow, some branches break, some new ones form, and some are just always there. Trees are a lot like people. We slowly grow up to be strong, and we have people in our lives who come and go like the leaves and branches. Some people will stick around and be there for you, others will deceive and leave you, but you will also meet new people who you will grow new bonds with. When most people think of a family tree, they think about their parents, siblings, and other relatives. Family is very important, however, some of your family will not always be there for you.

My sister and I were always very close growing up. Yes, we fought, bit, and pulled each other's hair; we also played board games, Barbies, and pet shops. We got into trouble, such as getting into the medicine cabinet and chugging cough syrup, but also did good things and made mothers day cards together. My mother was a little cooky (bipolar) at times, but she always meant well and did her best to keep us happy, even if it meant racking up her credit cards to buy us Christmas gifts. They were both strong branches on my family tree, but my dad was probably the strongest. I always wanted to do everything with him: boating, snowmobiling, fixing cars. I even helped build our back deck, by his side every time he needed the drill.

To go along with this happy family tree, came a little ball of joy. My baby brother was born on March 28th, 2011. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I watched him grow like a little sapling, from his first giggles, to his first steps, and even his first words. He could not quite say my name, and substituted it for “Kenwa,” which became my preferred nickname. He was not just my ball of joy though, we all adored him. Like when the leaves fall to the ground in autumn though, he also fell. He died in 2013, which led to more branches breaking in my tree. My parents started fighting, often over who to blame. My sister stopped talking and hanging out with me. My family was falling apart.

The first branch to fall was my only sibling left. No matter how hard I tried, she wanted nothing to do with me and continued to isolate herself. She only ever wanted to hang out with her friends and refused to even have a civil conversation with me. Next was my mother. Maybe it was her bipolar, or maybe she just needed someone to blame, but for some reason, she made that someone me. The words seem to flow from her mouth so easily, which made it hurt even more.

“I told you to keep an eye on him when I was in the bathroom that morning. Why didn’t you? He could’ve been alive right now if you wouldn’t have been so selfish.”

The words felt like a punch to the gut. My bottom lip started quivering, and no matter how hard I tried to keep them in, my tears still found a way to escape. I stormed out the front door and slammed it shut behind me. I did not know where to go, but I just could not stand to be in that house any longer. I ran down the hill in my backyard and sat under the apple tree, where I could let my emotions out by myself. My relationship with my mother never mended after that. She was still my mom, but I could never quite let that go. It clung to me like gum on a sidewalk.

It did not take long before my parents wanted a divorce. It was common in couples that lose children to split up afterward. Of course I was mad my family was splitting up, but I understood why and accepted it. I know it was probably hard for both of them when they constantly blamed one another and reminded each other of what they had lost. I just always assumed my dad would bring me with him when he left. He was the strongest branch I had left, there was no place I would rather be than with him fixing stuff. Even if what I was fixing was his broken heart. I wanted to be there for him, and have him be there for me, after all, we both went through something tragic. However, he didn’t have the money to take me full time. By the time he did, we were already so used to the schedule of switching between parents. He wasn’t one of the branches that broke, but he also did not remain to be the strongest branch.

With no family to turn to when I was feeling down, I relied mainly on my friends. I had many like a typical middle schooler does. However, also like the typical middle schooler, I also had a lot of drama with those friends. With girls constantly lying and gossiping, branches were breaking every day. One girl, Diana, had me convinced she was a good friend. We had several fun sleepovers, and I felt comfortable with her. She fooled me though, because no matter how nice she was to my face, she still told everyone who my crush was and made fun of me for it. Even though people like her were not keepers, there were a couple girls who stuck around. Mandy, Katherine, and I did everything together. We went shopping, we went on walks to the park, and we even listened to each other’s troubles. I was able to cry and rant to them without judgment, and it helped me a lot. They understood what it was like to go through something tragic, not having the easiest lives themselves, and were always there when I needed them. I tried my best to be there for them also, and our friendships grew into the strongest branches on my tree. Now, five years later, those branches are still here.

It’s all just a part of nature, branches grow, branches break. People come, people go. The best lesson I have learned from the tragedy of losing my brother, is that you need to surround yourself with those who love and care for you, and it is not always going to be your blood family. I may not have the best relationships with my mother and sister, but I do have good relationships with my two best friends and my father. Not every person that comes into your life is going to care for you and stick around, and it’s okay to let go of those people. However, some people will stick around be there for you. Just like a tree grows new branches and leaves, we meet new people and friends. Your family tree may not be your entire family, but more like your entire support team consisting of both family and friends.