Family Ties

I am in a long distance relationship. I know what you're thinking, long distance never works out and anyone who thinks it can is crazy. But hear me out. When I met my girlfriend, we didn't know anything about each other. We had no connections, we didn't have presumptions, we didn't have anything. When we met, it was meeting a blank slate and there was nothing to hide because we never thought we'd actually meet, we never thought it would turn into what it has — in our minds there was no reason that what we shared with each other would ever leave the conversations e had, and so we shared everything. Our hopes, our fears, our battles, our scars. I was real with her in a way I had never been with anyone else. I was 100 percent, completely unfiltered, me. And that was everything. We have been together four years now and I wouldn't trade what we have for the world. Yes, we have to go long periods without seeing each other physically, yes everyone tells us we're crazy, and yes we have our issues. But I feel like this kind of connection doesn't happen every day and who am I to pretend like something like this could ever fall into my lap again? She is mine, and I am hers, and we are happy. We push each other to do and be better, we hold each other up when needed, we love each other, unconditionally. She is my family. She is my home. My only hope is that everyone can experience this kind of connection with someone in their lifetime because it absolutely blows me away, every single day.

The below writing is a journal entry I wrote a while back expressing the emotions I was having concerning my relationship in regards to my family. It expresses the emotions I struggle with and I hope that it speaks to someone else out there who might be feeling the same. You can't help who you love. All you can do is make a choice: follow the voices that tell you they know what's best for you, or follow your heart. I hope you choose the latter.

I'm feeling so many things right now; maybe conflicted would be the right word. I'm just so confused by this world, by its inhabitants. How can the one group of people who are literally required to love and support one another can fall apart so easily? Why would a family that is not my own bring me in and accept me when my own kin has practically discarded me, telling me that I am not who they need me to be, therefore they do not need me. I thought the love of a family was supposed to be unconditional; I was under the impression that nothing could be too bad, too much, too wrong. I guess loving the wrong person didn't make the cut of “forgivable offenses.” Why then does a crowd of foreign faces want to make me one of their own? Is it because they don't know the whole story? Is it because they haven't seen my situation, my struggles, my sins? Is it just because I'm something new, someone, foreign and exciting? When they know the truth, when they know me, will they, too, turn their backs and run? I'm just so scared. She's all I have left, but what if I screw up. What if she changes her mind or her family decides they don't want anything to do with the damaged goods that come from a family like mine. And what about mine? She'll be here soon, and then she'll see. She's heard the stories, she's seen my reactions, watched me cry. But when she witnesses it for herself, will that be enough — will she finally decide she can't be that tough? Or will she continue to fight for me? I hope so. That's all I need, someone to fight for me. Every person who has been put in that position before has handed in their two weeks' notice. And if I'm being honest, if it happens once more I think I'll lose focus... on caring for myself, on keeping my life. I never thought I would be saying this — I just want her to be my wife. She's my best friend, my motivation; she is what keeps me going. Maybe this is selfish, but if she is the only family I have in the end, I know I will be okay. She's just so full of strength, love, dignity, grace. I'd be crazy to walk away from something that special. I'd be crazy to let the people who are meant to support me through everything talk me out of being with someone who literally keeps me alive. I guess at the end of the day, the only family ties I want are those that encourage me to thrive, no matter what.