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Family Is Family

It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life.

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

"Family is family"—of course that's true! You can't pick and choose your family. But if we could, we would; there is no denying it that sometimes there are circumstances where we unfortunately need to cut ties with a family member.

I had to cut ties with members of mine, and I do not regret it. Why did I cut ties? Because we should not surround ourselves with people that are only going to disappoint and bring negativity into your life. We, as adults, are already stressed enough and toxic relationships are only going to stress us more. Stress can lead to heart problems as well as other illnesses. The CDC reports 110 million people die every year as a result of stress. That is insane—then again, the government and money stress us out more than anything.

I had to cut ties with my father, my own biological parent. When I was little, he would always make sure I was okay and happy. He was someone who I had looked up to. Now, he's someone I don't even recognize, not anymore. He chose a meth-addicted woman who lied about having cancer over me. He said he would always be there for me. I wanted him to get better. But I have grown up and now I see things for what they are. I'm done living in the fantasy world I had created in my head. My father is helpless. I told him he needed help, I begged the courts to court order rehab for him. I gave him the ultimatum of either choosing me being in his life or stay with the woman who was enabling him. And I do not regret it one bit. He blocked me on social media and everything. Didn't even tell me to have a nice life. Me cutting ties has been helpful. He needs a wake-up call, and I was not going to be the one to bring him back into reality.

His actions were enough for me and my sister to know that we weren't his first priority. And honestly, choosing drugs over your own children is low, and a sign that you are not the main priority. I know many of those who still hope their parents will change, and they keep getting disappointed. It's time to let them go. I'm not saying hold a grudge or anything, it's okay to not talk to someone if they are nothing but toxic in your life. Because if they aren't going to change, there is no need to keep getting your feelings down to save others. There is no point. Forgive them. Move on.

I always imagined my father walking me down the aisle when I get married, but that's not going to happen. I chose my papaw on my mom's side to walk me down. My grandfather (I call him papaw) is the one who helped raised me, alongside my mother. He is my hero, and I thank him every day for being in my life. He made sure I was clothed, fed, and bathed, and so did my mother. I had a roof over my head thanks to papaw. He is truly a father figure in my life. I also love my stepfather. He took up the job a couple years after my father left our lives and he stepped up as a dad. No one has to be family for you to love them or for them to care for you. Those who are in your life and there for you whenever... that's what family really is.

Now, would I be okay with him ever coming into my life? Sure, but he is not invited to my gatherings. He always causes a scene. That's the last point I'll make: If you know someone is going to cause a scene, don't invite them. Gatherings are supposed to be enjoyable, not embarrassing and dreadful. And if anyone close to you is offended, just know your happiness should matter to them and if you're happy then they should be supportive.

Sometime's moving on is necessary. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.