Family Importance

Someone once told me, that life gets harder as you get older. That someone was my dad. This April will be nine years since my dad passed away. I am not going to lie, I miss my dad everyday. Some days, I miss him more than ever. I do wish during some of my hard times that he was still here. I know that he could and would give me some advice, that would only drive me to where I know that I should be at in life. My oldest sister moved from Indiana to Kansas last summer, with her son. I miss them so much that it hurts and I wish that they were still here. I know that they are doing well there, so I am happy for them. I just wish that missing them didn't hurt so bad. My niece, who turned 21 in December, I miss her terribly. I was a big part of her and her brother's life for almost six years, while their mom was driving a semi over the road. I know that they are only going to get older and fend for themselves, but sometimes I wish that they were those little kids again. At times I wish that I too was still a little girl on that farm working on cars and tractors with my dad. How did things go from good to worse in only a matter of minutes, or a matter of seconds? I never had said that I ever hated my dad. I did my mom, but that one day changed after my dad passed away. I realized how wrong I was to feel that way about my mom, and I wished that I could have taken it all back on everything bad that I had ever said to her and about her while I was growing up. One doesn't realize the damage to the other person, even if it is a parent, that it can cause. If I knew then what I know now, I would have never ever said anything so degrading towards my mom. I know how bad my mom is now next to when I was a kid, and I wish that I could have treated her better and even talk to her better than I had. I do love my mom. She has alcoholic dementia. I don't like to watch her go through the things she had and will be in the future. I knew while growing up how important family was, but I know it so much more now. If I hear one child say that they hate their mom or dad, I do say something, "One day they aren't going to be here and you will regret that one day." I just hope that a teenager will read something like this one day, and realize the importance of family. I know that some people haven't had to go through what I have in my life, but I know some people have it worse off than I do. My life has always been complicated. Three years ago I got married, so I ended up with a step-son. I feel like he was my actual son. To me, he may as well be my son. Especially as much as I do to care for this child. I know that he may never call me mom, but to know what I do for him, is good enough for me. I would love to have a baby before my biological time clock decides to fully quit on me. I have a feeling that I am going to need a doctor's help on this, on why I have never ended up pregnant. Even if I am not ever able to carry a baby of my own, at least I do know that I have my step-son. I love that boy, but there are times that I want to pull my hair out or go crazy, but that's what goes along with parenthood. I know the craziness my parents went through with my two older sisters and I. I don't want to know who will pass away next, but the one thing I do know, that I will not be ready for it. I have never dealt with death very well, not even now. I know how important my family is, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world!! I would love to extend my family, but sometimes it's a easier said than done, kind of thing.