Experts vs. Parents

Let me preface this article by explaining that the views here on behalf of "Parents" is my own and not meant to represent anyone else personally. Any reference to "The Experts" will appropriately have citations of the websites I have used. This is not meant as a target for the "bashers" out there, but as a place to express views. I certainly understand that every parent is different in their views on raising their children and some listen vehemently to the advice provided by experts in various fields. I appreciate comments expressing your opinion on any topic listed here or any other child topics, however request that you keep your comments and opinions neutral without bashing each other for their views.

1. ABCs of Sleeping to Prevent SIDS

A.The Experts – Any parent, from the time they are pregnant onward, will hear this advice repeatedly, "Infants should always sleep on their back to prevent SIDS."

B.The Parents – When I was expecting my first child 13 years ago (she's 12 at the time I write this article), I was instructed in this. This came as a surprise to my mother, who was advised when I was born to always place a baby on their stomach to prevent SIDS. Unfortunately, when my oldest was born, she would only sleep about an hour on her back before waking up crying until she was put on her stomach. When she played on her stomach, she would fall asleep, and I wouldn't move her, and she would sleep for 3–4 hours comfortably. At that point, I came to this conclusion — when someone is drunk, you are told to place them on their side or stomach when they are passed out so they don't choke if they vomit (Source). Infants are known for vomiting up formula. It's great to say to watch your child when they are sleeping on their back, but at that point — when does the mother sleep? If I'm up interacting with them during the time they are up, and staring at them when they sleep so they don't vomit in their sleep and choke while laying on their back, how do I get any rest? At the same time — doctors are unsure what causes SIDS (although they have identified contributing factors, these still vary from child to child, thus are inconclusive as they are not a contributing factor in all cases) — thus, in my opinion, it doesn't matter if you have the child standing on their head to sleep, it's pretty much a matter of God, fate, or whatever you believe in that if your child is predestined to succumb to SIDS, they are going to succumb to SIDS (Source). In the article I reference here, the Mayo Clinic states that, "Sleeping on the stomach or side. Babies placed in these positions to sleep might have more difficulty breathing than those placed on their backs." However, when my preemie daughter was born, right there in the NICU incubator, they had her laying on her stomach. When I questioned this, I was told that having her lay on her stomach was to make it easier for her to breathe. (Am I the only one seeing a contradiction here?) There are parents who have followed the advice of specialists in every aspect of caring for their child, and there are those who have ignored everything they were told, and some have had children grow up perfectly healthy and happy, and some have had children pass from SIDS.

2. Car Seats

A. Yes, I do believe that infants need car seats. Even toddlers. References here are from Governors Highway Safety Association which lists some of the laws by state regarding child safety seat requirements. Reference in Ohio, where I live, is that a safety seat is required for children under the age of four and booster seats required between 4–7 years or under 4'9" or 40lbs.

B. Now, fortunately for me, this doesn't reference front facing vs. rear facing. I've gotten into many a heated argument with parents that, despite the fact that their children's legs are extended all the way up the back of the seat, refuse to turn their child front facing before age four. (Side note: I personally believe these are the same ones that have their five-year-old in a stroller with a pacifier shoved in their mouth because it's easier than teaching them to walk next to them without screaming, which will be covered later). I feel after one year of age, if the child starts screaming non-stop the entire time they are in the car seat, and/or if their legs are bending up the back of the auto seat, they need turned around front facing.

This has held true with all of my children that were in car seats (please note, for many years I rode the bus and public transportation in Ohio does not have seat belts installed, thus there is nothing to buckle an infant seat to — although I have received some bashing for that, as well, because some parents think even then a child should be in a seat — which requires carrying a car seat, a diaper back, possibly a stroller which must be folded and kept out of the way, possibly a purse if you don't have everything shoved in the diaper bag and whatever you bought while you were out, plus the child. Personally, this is way too much and the seat often weighs more than the child). Once my front facing one-year-old children have a chance to look out the window at where we are going, they have stopped screaming and enjoy their trips.

3. Strollers

A. From ParentMap, which clearly states information provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the experts state that use of a stroller for outings with a child should stop between the ages of two and three.

B. On this point — I actually fully agree with the experts. Having stair-step children, I have often had use of a double-stroller, which when walking has been a blessing, but on public transportation a hindrance because of the restriction that both children be out of the stroller and the stroller folded, with me carrying two children, all items from the basket underneath, the stroller, and having to pay fare as soon as I enter the bus, with the bus often pulling off before I could get stabilized and seated. I can't stand seeing a parent pushing a stroller with a child obviously over the age of five, unless I can tell it's some kind of adaptive stroller for a handicapped child, of course. From the time my kids are two, they have been walking without a stroller. I have heard many parents use the excuse that their child either runs off or gets tired too easily. Teach them perseverance. I'm not saying to never allow your child rest if going on an extremely long trip — and umbrella strollers are perfect for that occasion up to a point, but by the time your child can start preschool, they should be capable of walking on their own.

4. Pacifiers

A. Do I believe in the use of a pacifier? I didn't initially as I was raised perfectly fine without one. However, well into having seven children (I'd say around child #4) I became a firm believer in them at night, after the child had been fed, burped and changed, and insisted on screaming loud enough to wake the people two houses away. At that point, my motto became "put a plug in it." And, for infants, and yes, I stress that word, a pacifier is all well and good. However — when your child cannot talk or eat because they cannot be without their trusty little "binkie" for any longer than it takes to down a bottle, there is a problem.

B. This especially holds true to the two-year-old child who cannot learn to talk because they can't go without this in their mouth. As well as the three-year-old who can't take a family picture without it, and the four-year-old who is taking it to preschool with him. Honestly — draw the line somewhere with your children. My children that did use a pacifier, had it until just before their first birthday. Then it vanished during the day and only appeared at nap and bedtime. Eventually, it was "lost" all day long and only appeared in their bed at night (must be the binkie fairy). Eventually, we intentionally could not find it (this would occur at about 18 months), and it was never heard from again. Our children learned to sleep through the night, talk and eat without trying to work around it and when we were out in public, people could actually see our child's face and identify them.