Eulogy: A Tribute to My Mom

Sunrise: February 6, 1930

Sunset: January 10, 2015

Eulogized: January 20, 2015

With the way God structured life, you get to meet your very first friend, your BFF-Best Friend Forever. She carried you for nine months, endured the pain to bring you into the world and stays by you until the very end. She puts up with all you do and don’t do. And despite everything, she is still there with you. When everyone else has abandoned you, she is always there with you and for you. She is your confidant. She will listen to you even if no one else will. She is always on your side when the rest of the world seems to be against you. She is your best friend until the very end and then some. She will show the smile and she will hide the pain no matter how great the burden may be. When you feel alone, she pats you on the back and gives you a big hug as well. When you have nowhere to turn, she is always there for you. She treasures you. You are her highest priority. When you want to be grounded, she is your foundation, but when you want to take off and fly, she is the wind beneath your wings. No matter where you go and how far you are physically away from her, she is always with you. Although she has given birth to you, you are always a part of her and still connected to her. It is a bond that can never, ever be destroyed. Yes, that is a Mom. That is the perfect description of my Mom-Olive Bernier.

Mom was a very extraordinary individual especially when you consider everything she had endured. She always talked about the very strict upbringing she had. She bravely fought cancer on two occasions. She saw the death of my sister from cancer and, most recently, the loss of her life partner, her only husband, my Dad, from cancer as well. On the other side, Mom also enjoyed her three children, but she was really at her happiest when she welcomed her first granddaughter, Jasmine, into the family. Then, she was thrilled to have Linda, her only daughter-in-law, and two more grandchildren, Arthur IV and Saki. She felt extra blessed when Arthur IV married Taralee and brought Amber and Taylee into the world. Yes, she knew that God had blessed her so many times over. When other people had gone before her, she knew that she had a very rich life. She would often ask, “How old am I?” as a way to remind us that she was here for a very long time, a fact that she would never let us forget.

Mom was my best friend. I probably never fully appreciated it until after Dad died. I took her friendship for granted at times. She was always in my corner. She would frequently say things over and over again without realizing it. “I love you,” or “Good morning” would be her repetitive catchphrase every day. When we ate, I would first fix her a nice plate, but she would look to see what I was going to eat. “Where is your food?” she’d ask. Then, she would offer me some of her food before I could tell her that I was okay. I had my food, but I wanted to take care of her first. When I came home from church on Saturday nights, we would have our mini party. I’d surprise her by bringing home some sweet item that she’d like and that was our evening together as we would watch an endless amount of TV. She made the best of any situation. That was how she handled everything. She always made the best of a situation.

Mom had a strong sense of her faith. She was an avid follower of Christ. She spent time reading Scripture and such. She loved her hymns and knew the words whenever she heard them. Once, when we were watching TV, a song that I never heard before came on. She joined right in without skipping a beat. She kept her religious items with her. As you can plainly see, she loved the cross around her neck. She never took it off. From time to time, she would hold the cross in her hand signifying that she wanted to be one with God. Occasionally, she would stop to say prayers even as we were watching TV together. Even God had her as a friend.

Mom would talk about all of us to no end. To say that she could and would embellish her stories would be putting it nicely. She would boast about us constantly. No matter how minuscule a job you had, she made it out to be the biggest job anyone has ever seen. In my case, for example, I went from a teacher to a special advisor to the Schools Chancellor of New York City in a matter of five short minutes with time left over. She gave everyone in the family a very lofty position that we never anticipated. But, she did it out of happiness, not out of bitterness. She simply loved her family and was proud of each and every one of us.

Mom was more of a social hermit. In the last two years since Daddy was gone, she only wanted to be alone with family. She was content. We celebrated our holidays together. We welcomed 2015 together just a few days ago before she passed. That is all she wanted. Being with family and very close friends is all she wanted from the world. She was about life. She enjoyed life even to the very end. She once wrote to me, “My first-born, given to me by God. My prayers are always with you.”

I could see that her health was beginning to take its toll on her. Walking was very tough on her. Still, through it all, she wanted her treats. She expected ice cream and candy, something to quench her sweet tooth. Willy Wonka couldn’t supply her enough with what she wanted. She only gave herself two destinations at home-bed or sofa. When it was time to sleep, Mom was wide-awake. When it was time to wake up, Mom was fast asleep. Yes, she was the original party animal. She put in more overnighters in one week than I ever could throughout my college days. At 84, my Mom was the world’s oldest teenager. She made no bones about it. She enjoyed her life to the very end.

Mom was nice to everyone she met even if there were disagreements or differences. She never showed it to the public. She kept it to herself. She made friends as much as she could especially the neighborhood children. Nobody could say anything negative about her. She kept her wits about her. We shared secrets and often other ideas. She always enjoyed my company and I always enjoyed hers.

When I would walk out the door to go to an interview or some other place, she would frequently stop me before I could get out of the house in order to compliment me on my suit and how I wore it. I had to walk the catwalk before I could get out of the door. Upon my return, she would smile and say, “Did you get the job?” I just said that we shall see and then start our mini celebration which again consisted of her sweet treats.

Today, I acknowledge the loss of my original best friend. No longer will we take nice rides together like we did in years past. We’d go to just the simple places like a meal at a local McDonalds or something to that effect. Then, I’d park the car and we would proceed to eat and enjoy our meals together. We had so much fun. We would talk and share many laughs together. To her, it was like a six-week paid vacation. She was my first GPS. Instead of saying turn left or right, she would constantly use “Turn here,” pointing instead of clarifying her directions. She was my co-pilot all the time. I would take her with me to Roosevelt Field once in a while. She never got out of the car, but she enjoyed the trip. We would dine in my rolling restaurant. With Mom, a short trip was never a short trip. She wanted to drive until the gas ran out. She really just wanted to see places before she went home for the day or evening. I complied as much as I could.

Mom always wanted to be a comedian. Occasionally, she would share a laugh or two. One of her favorites as it became one of mine was the one she would tell over and over again. I remember it well. Its origin is unknown, but Mom owned it. One day, she asked me what the letters of the word Bible stood for. I had no idea. She said that they stood for, “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.” She said it like a pro. It was very clever. Even when she repeated it days or weeks later, I couldn’t help but giggle. I know that she must be making God and His angels laugh at this very moment. She believed in it, too. I couldn’t help it. Other times, she asked if there was something sweet in the house. I told her “No.” She told me that there was something sweet in the house. She then pointed to me and smiled. I soon developed my own acronym. MOM to me means “My Only Mother.” No one can ever replace her. She was a mother, but she was a true Mom to me in every sense of the word.

Mom, thank you for everything you have done for the family and me. I know that you struggled with your health, but you were the victor. You fought cancer and destroyed it. You were a great example for all of us. Even though you hurt inside mentally and physically, you put on a brave front and showed by example how to stay strong. I am proud of you. I am always proud to call you my Mom. Daddy and Janice must be very happy to see you again. You are now reunited with Uncle Gene, Aunt Martha, your parents and various other family and friends who helped prepare a place for your arrival. The angels have accompanied you to Heaven. Most of all, God has finally rewarded you for all the good you have done for others. You have brightened up many lives not just within the family, but everywhere you happened to be. In the rough sea called life, you were the calming force. You have accomplished more in 84 years that would require other people 1,084 years to get done. The recently deceased sportscaster Stuart Scott once said, “When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live."

You did a few major jobs in your life, Mom. The one job that you always spoke about was the fact that you were a nurse. It figures that you enjoyed being a nurse. You helped others and made them feel better. It made big sense because you were a Mom and you did the same for us. That is why nursing came easy for you. You nursed your entire family. Some thought that you bragged about being a nurse. Babe Ruth once said, “It isn’t bragging if you can do it.” You were a natural at it. It was the role that God created just for you and you did it very well.

In closing, I would like to leave you with these words that a very dear friend sent me. The origin is unknown and is not important. The message is:

“Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods that you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you are not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow. She is Christmas morning. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on Earth can separate you. Not time, not space... not even death.”

Thank you, Mom. I miss you and will always love you until the end of eternity and a day.