Don't Be Afraid to Love Your Kids

Raising kids has always been hard, but lately navigating parenthood is overwhelming with a side of ridiculous. Kids don't come with instruction manuals; we are all learning as we go. When a struggling parent looks for advice these days, they are bombarded with a massive amount of advice and online articles giving opinions on every detail of parenthood, most of the time contradictory.

How on earth are we supposed to do everything right? How is anyone supposed to figure this out? The truth is every kid has different needs and every parent has different strengths. There is, however, one thing that every child needs universally and one thing a parent can do that will never harm their child—love.

Please, please, in the middle of all the parenting techniques and kid hacks and philosophies that are out there, do not forget that what your child needs most of all is your love.

When I was pregnant with my first baby I was as green as anyone. I had no freaking idea what I was doing. I got all the parenting books and I combed through them feverishly, trying to figure out what having a kid would be like and making sure I would be the best at it.

For the first few years of parenthood, I tried desperately to make my kids fit into that "good kid" box. Sleeping through the night by 3 months! Crawling at 6 months! Teaching them sign language! Walking at a year! My first born knew her alphabet by 18 months!

But you know what? I wasn't having very much fun, and neither were the kids. Do you think they cared how fast they were potty trained or if they ate only organic food? Do you think they enjoyed having a mom who stressed out when they didn't meet some arbitrary milestone?

I got pregnant with my third child when my first was two and my second was 12 months (yeah, yeah, hubby and I couldn't figure out birth control, don't judge). With three kids so close together, I just didn't have energy or time to keep it up. I had to seriously rethink my priorities. Due to being sleep deprived and run off my feet, my parenting goals were pared down to: did the kids get fed? Did the diapers get changed? And did they get loved? I let them be babies and toddlers and didn't worry about the rest. My oldest drank out of bottles till she was four, my second stole her little sister's soother till she was five, they all climbed into bed with us at night.

I loved them anyway. And I enjoyed being a mother so much more. Indulging in morning cuddles while the dirty dishes waited, taking time to listen with a smile on my face, laughing at their joke even though you have heard it thirty times that day. Taking time to comfort a crying child instead of becoming impatient with the disruption. When they acted up, instead of pulling them aside for timeouts or punishment, I pulled them aside for cuddles and one on one time with Mom.

I'm not saying I didn't discipline my kids; they still need to know how to be decent people, but the more I loved on them the less I needed to discipline them. They just didn't act out as much.

Letting go of my own insecurities and expectations for my kids and focusing on loving who they were gave me so much freedom.

My girls are teenagers now, and we still have many, many obstacles to overcome as they grow up. I have messed up—my kids will probably need some therapy when they are in their 20's—but I don't think I will ever regret taking the time to love them. In the end, love is what we all need the most.