Does It Get Better?

I'm not sure where to start. I am married with 2 children. A 13-year-old daughter and an 18-year-old son. My son is at boot camp for the Navy. He has been gone for over 2 weeks. To say my son is a mama's boy is an understatement! He did JROTC all 4 years in high school. So he was prepared (in a way) for boot camp. He is a very funny, kind, smart, determined, and loving young man. I was very involved in (almost) every aspect of his life. Our relationship is different from mine and my daughter's. She is very independent and not much of a hugger. She's like her father!

When he enlisted back in March I was proud, scared, and worried. He was excited, determined, and knew the college life was not for him. He wants to travel and experience life before he dedicates his life to a job or family. Well fast forward to the present. I am having a very difficult time with him being gone. I miss him terribly. Everything reminds me of him. His room, clothes, Xbox, etc. I have his picture on my phone, my watch, and all over the house. I know he is an adult and he is doing fine where he is. My issue is the perpetual sadness that I'm experiencing. I try to keep busy and I know his dreams of being a sailor are what drives him. I would never get in the way of his dreams! I just can't stop crying! I'm sad all the time. I find myself hoping he fails some of the physical requirements so he gets sent home! How selfish is that?! I keep all that to myself of course. He goes to school for another 9 weeks after boot camp. Then gets assigned a job in who knows where for 5 years! The thought of not seeing him for so long is killing me! I am part of a support group-page on Facebook and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. But it doesn't change my emotional state. I don't want to feel this way! I feel empty, lonely, and just plain old sad. Everyone says it gets better with time. But I don't feel much different. My husband is a Virgo and either hides his feelings well or doesn't feel much.

The fire inside of me has been extinguished. I know I have to be strong and brave for him. I know he wouldn't want to see me this way. So I don't tell him how I feel when I write to him. I am supportive, encouraging, loving, and upbeat. The same way his mother has always been with him. But inside I'm falling apart. GOD have mercy on this mama!

Sorry to be a Debbie downer to whoever reads this but I had to get it off my chest. To be continued.......