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Does Family Always Come First?

They don't have to.

By Amelia HartPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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I'm sure you all have heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water," referring to family coming before anyone else. I used to use that saying all the time, until I grew up. Of course, it still stands true, but I'm here to let you know that it doesn't HAVE to be the case all the time.

Life is not all black and white; it's actually mostly grey. Sometimes we have to let go of a family member for our own sake, by putting our happiness before theirs, and allowing ourselves to create our own families — friends, mother figures, father figures, etc.

We all long for that deep parent figure connection, and sometimes it cannot come from our own parents. I'll give my own example — I absolutely love my mom, but I had to distance myself from her for my own sake. When we grow up, we see our parents in the light, as real people. They all have their own flaws and that's fine, but I don't think it's fine to hurt your children and put them in harm's way, and that's exactly what my mom did. She continued to do so without even a thought, because she was only thinking of her happiness, so I decided that's not what I need in my life. I've found mother figures from my aunt, friends' parents, and older women I can look up to. I'm here to tell you that if your relationship with a family member is damaging to your mental happiness or physical well-being, you do NOT need to keep that relationship going just because they're blood.

When I first stopped talking to my mom, I had so many people reminding that she's my mother, she gave me life, she provided for me, and even had one of my siblings stop talking to me for a little while. I learned that if my own mom can't put me first, or even understand how she hurts me, then it definitely isn't my job to put her first, or be her parent. I am my own person, and I will take care of my own happiness, even if it means not talking to my mom.

I do hope one day I'll be able to have a relationship with my mom again, because we had one of the best relationships; but she was a friend when I needed a mom. Nobody should ever feel bad for making a difficult decision to not speak to the person that brings them anger, sadness, and resentment, even when good times were attached.

Happiness is a difficult thing to maintain — when you have people in your life that only care about themselves, it will bring you down. When it's a family member, it will bring you absolute sadness, because those are the people we were raised to believe would be the ones to put us before anyone else. Life is not a one way road; there are two lanes and you shouldn't be the only one driving.

When people use the term "Blood is thicker than water," it's because they have amazing family relationships. Not everyone is that lucky, and sometimes they find those relationships outside of blood, and sometimes those relationships are stronger than blood ever could have been.

We don't choose our blood, but we can choose our family. You are able to find family in friends, and those friends often become the best family you could've asked for.

I've known people that have had parents walk out on their lives at young ages, siblings that walk away and never speak to you again without a single reason, grandparents that want nothing to do with them because they're mixed, and even parents that stop speaking to them because they're gay. NONE of those have any meaning to them, yet for some reason people make you think that when there is a reason, you still shouldn't walk away.

People put such a meaning behind Mom and Dad: those are the people that raised you, those are the people that fed you, provided for you, and protected you when you were younger. What goes on behind closed doors isn't what they see. They don't understand how sometimes these relationships can burn you, and leave you crying at night because you don't understand how Mom or Dad can treat their child that way.

But you know that when you have children you won't make those choices because you know how it feels to be on the other side, and you want to make sure "Blood is thicker than water" will stand true with your family!

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About the Creator

Amelia Hart

I enjoy writing!

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