While many people advocate that corporal punishment no longer has a place in today’s modern society, many parents still stand by it. In many cases, it is a tried and true form of punishment while in others it only aggravates the situation making it worse.
Do I use spankings? Yes, when the situation calls for it.
Do I use other forms of punishment? Yes, when the situation calls for it.
For example, I have a daughter that will soon be 2. I’d much rather she feels the sting from a quick pop to the hand for reaching for the hot stove than the sting of 1st, 2nd or 3rd-degree burns that will last days to months. No matter how many times you tell them HOT until there is a tangible consequence they do not associate it with something painful or dangerous. However, if my daughter repeatedly reaches for, say my phone, I will redirect her to her toys or put her in a time out depending on how many times I have told her not to do something.
We also greatly reward good behavior. If the child does as he/she is asked without complaint, they will be praised and depending on the nature of the request may receive a tangible reward as well, be it a special snack or a new toy. You can’t beat good behavior into a child but sometimes it can be bought. Yes, that is a very black and white way of looking at it, but if they are getting something in return for doing the right thing they are more likely to repeat that behavior hoping for the same or similar outcome. As they get older the things we request of them become more complicated and the rewards are increased in equal increments as well.
There are millions of self-help books for new parents, older parents, single parents, parents of every kind but you do not ever know what kind of parent you are until your kids have grown and moved on to become parents themselves. You will get to see then what lesson you tried to teach stuck with them all those years and your love will continue to grow.
The worst thing a parent can hear is someone telling them how to raise their children. Most of the time, those offering advice do not know their home life or their situation so until you are intimate with their every day you need to keep your opinions to yourself UNLESS explicitly asked for advice.
Even when you are asked to give advice on a situation, don’t be quick to judge. Ask questions so that you have a better understanding of they’ve tried and what has and hasn’t worked for them so far. Make sure you work with them and not just tell them what they should do. Brainstorm ideas on what they could do differently and share what you’ve seen or lived through personally. The idea is to help them think outside the box about punishment and reward.
I will not and cannot tell you how to raise your child(ren) as that is not my place. I’m simply here to make you think about ways you can improve not only your lives but theirs as well. All we ever want as parents is our child(ren) to grow into a happy and productive adult. So, more parent support and less parent shaming, please. Raising a child is hard, raising multiple children is harder. None of that compares with the constant judgment and shaming from other adults. Be supportive of your fellow parents and new ideas will come to light. There’s always room to grow.