Dear Damien

How to survive after losing your child is such a hard thought no one has a concrete answer to. When your child's last heart beat on the monitor beats its last beat, your breath drops and your heart feels numb. You as a mother feel guilty for even still breathing and walking.

So how do you surpass the feeling of grief, regrets, or the worse "what if?" Should we drown ourselves in medication, Facebook groups, therapy appointments, PTSD, panic attacks etc? The population of us grieving parents don't even know where to start.

Those who lost their child to a tragedy, how do we recover from the horrific memories? My son was a daycare death—neglect. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks. I have reoccurring dreams and flashbacks and only a good 20 percent of them are good.

My son Damien was neglected in a daycare and due to his brain injuries, he passed away three days later. Unfortunately I had to take the "long walk" no parent should ever have to walk. I actually refused at first but then somehow the mother in me stood up and started walking. Three days... I got three days to say goodbye to my 2-month-old baby boy.

How does one parent prepare for grief? We don't. We literally roll with the punches. We suffer inside. You can put us on medicine, therapy appointments, tell us to join a club or to talk to a friend when we feel the depression creeping upon us.

My favorite line is "But you have other kids, it will be okay." Which one of your kids would you like to pick to go to heaven? Or, "he is in a good place, he is at peace." Yes, he may be in peace but my soul is not.

Grief has different faces. You can be feeling like the world has been taking everything from you but you manage to still smile and act as though everything is normal. Those who have lost a child and need help know that you are not alone. Don't let anyone tell you what you need to do in order to move on. As parents we never do really move on and that is okay.

We light candles in memory of our kids, we put on their favorite song, play our videos, even sleep with their blankets. Do what makes you comfortable, not what others want you to heal. It does get better but it will be hard forever.

Take it day by day. You can slowly put away little things or don't put away anything. It's your choice, your child, your grief, and most importantly, your pace.

In memory of my son,

Dear Damien❤

Dear Damien

Damien❤