Dealing with Demons

Everyone struggles with something.

Through out most of people's lives, there is conflict, injury, and things better left unsaid. However, you're going to see into story that is yet to be finished. In order to tell it correctly, we will have to go back to the beginning.

Beginning

In June of 99 a woman gave birth to a baby girl. Having been only 18 the woman struggled with keeping two jobs and caring for the newborn. The man of whom was to help care for the child, did little more than drink himself away, often leaving the child in the hands of another child. At only five years old, the woman's little sister, began to care for the child of whom she'd loved since birth. This continued for a couple of years until the woman decided to move elsewhere.

Around this same the woman was moving in an affair was going on with her new lover. Feeling used and rejected, the woman moved back to her home town. Living with family members for a time the woman met another man one town over. After a one night stand gone horribly wrong, the woman was due with another child. A little boy this time. The first child, was only four years old at this time and didn't understand what was going on. After a month of being with this man, the couple got married. This is where things went wrong. After the little boy was born, the step-father began to resent the little girl.

Unable to work due to his disability, the step-father became the stay at home parent. The mother, took a job another town over to work as a bank teller. This often meant long shifts that resulted in barely seeing her children. The step-father began to get cruel with the little girl when the mother wasn't around. Always yelling at her for things that were minuscule in importance, or simple mistakes. The step-father also had a sister of whom beat her children ritually. She was very cruel, going as far as to hold a gun to her head and tell her child she was going to kill herself. As it turned out the step-father's family had a history of violence. A drunk for a father, a gay brother who killed himself when not accepted, another brother who was murdered, and of course the now step-father and his sister.

With that in mind, the mother knew of the risks and chose to ignore it, allowing the step-father to do as he saw fit. He often times liked to lock the children out of the house, saying they weren't outside enough. Thinking it was something every family did, the children became used to this ordeal. Having acquired a friend from down the street, the children were happy for the most part. After getting into an argument with the step-father, the little girl watched helplessly as he yelled at her only friend telling her to leave immediately. The little girl cried herself to sleep that night, deciding she would never bring another friend over in order to avoid it happening ever again. The little boy however, was the step-father's pride and joy and had no issues bringing friends over to play. Feeling left out the girl took her anger out on her little brother. This was a mistake that left a cut on her heart so deep it would never heal correctly.

The Accident

In the summer of 2011, things got even more complicated. The mother's grandmother was coming to town for a visit. Considering her grandmother lived some hours away, this was a special occasion. In preparation for this the whole family began to clean the house. The mother was of course at work at the time so that left the children and step-father to take care of the house. Being sent to their rooms to clean the children began to argue like siblings do. Her step-father then called to the boy telling him to go help pick up a vacuum. The little girl was to stay home and continue her chores.

While waiting for them to return the little girl began listening to music and enjoying the time alone. Suddenly, the step-father's sister showed up in her vehicle very angry. She began to yell at the girl for not answering her phone and told her to get in the car. Soon after getting in the sister began to drive quickly telling the girl something was wrong but she wasn't sure what. Many thoughts raced through the girls head. She knew they were going to the hospital, but she couldn't figure out why. There was no reason she could think of that would cause a trip there.

Flashing lights on top of an ambulance blinded the girl. She couldn't hear anymore. It was like the world stopped, and sound with it. People began to usher her into the waiting room, but her mother showed up with her husband. She went into a room with doctors and nurses looking solemnly and began screaming. Hell hath no wrath greater than a mother's agony. The girl went to see for herself and regretted everything. 

Lying on a gurney, was her brother. His skull had been cracked and blood covered most of his face. The girl fell quiet and went to sit in the waiting room. Family started to force her to eat and drink as to not get sick, but she couldn't swallow. It couldn't be him. She had just seen him only thirty minutes ago. Her mother still screaming, the girl went to find her mother's sister. She was practically the girl's sister with how closely the two were in age. Having said that, she wanted to be consoled by her mother's sister. The rest was a blur of emotions and denial. 

The funeral was the worst of it all. Her brother had wax on his head where his skull cracked and makeup that made him much too dark in skin color. The girl began to quiver, whether it was of fear or anger is not known. She refused to accept he had died. Eventually it got to the point she thought he was still alive somewhere, and had simply been kidnapped.

This continued for the first two years after the accident. The girl was forced into counseling and got treated differently from the other kids she went to school with. They all seemed to pity her and allowed so much slack in the girl's school work, she began to draw further and further from everyone. Through all of her middle school years, she barely felt a connection to anything or anyone. As the years droned on, the family finally tried to heal, all in different ways.

Grieving

The mother had begun working at a nursing home and did the night shift. She was asleep all of the day leaving the step-father and girl to deal with one another. This caused a great deal of conflict between the two, it never seemed to end. The step-father began to drink his nights away, being completely wasted by 10:00 at night. The girl hated when he was drunk as he would get very close and tell her how much he loved her. She hated the way the alcohol smelled on his breath and the way he would stare. Often times he would cry and attempt a conversation with the girl, but she would leave to hide in her room.

The girl didn't do much better at healing. She began to cut her arms and smoke, most times in the bathtub with the door locked so no one could come in and find out. Her mother had noticed but seemed to not care. She hadn't cared for anything after that day. Not even being a mother concerned her anymore. The girl had to take care of herself in every way. Getting to and from school, making her own meals, and staying out of the house as long as possible became her life. It was all she knew. With her mother always sleeping, the step-father became emotionally abusive to the girl, even hitting her one day.

She had just come home from school when he started to poke her consistently, she tried to get away but he followed. She told him if he wouldn't stop she would bite. Biting had been the only thing she could do. She didn't know how to fight, and even if she did it would be useless. He towered almost two feet over her. Again she told him to stop or she would bite. He simply said he would slap her in the face. Unafraid of him she quickly grabbed his arm and bit down as hard as her jaw would allow. A flash of red was all she saw after. He had hit her. She stood in shock and left the room crying silently.

The girl didn't mention the incident to her mother as it would've been dismissed anyway. He never hit her again but the emotional abuse made up for it. It was constant and if she didn't respond he got angrier. He had hit walls and tables to get her attention. Scaring her to listen. There was a night it was so bad the girl screamed and refused to talk to him till her mother came home. After a few hours the mother came home from her shift. Immediately angered at the fighting she yelled at the girl for acting like so.

The girl began to talk to her mother's sister as she knew it was occurring as well. The sister began to have problems with the step-father as well. Being as endowed as she was in the chest, she would often times catch the step-father staring at her. Having mentioned it to her sister, she was told to wear less revealing clothing. After she had changed what was worn around him, he still continued to stare. Once again informing her sister she was denied again and waved off. The girl would often see her step-father staring at other women, even while with her mother. Feeling powerless the girl began to speak up when her step-father would have a hungry look in his eye. Her mother scolded the girl for speaking out of turn and refused to believe the man had done anything wrong.

Understanding her mother would never believe her cries for help, she kept silent when possible. Often times despite realizing the consequences she could no longer hold it in and told the man how it was. One incident like that happened in public. The girl went with her family to a restaurant where the man's sister and daughter waited for them. Usual conversation ensued when the man told his sister he was not an alcoholic in anyway. That he simply drank to feel good, and rarely did it as it was. The girl spoke immediately calling him a liar. He was a no good alcoholic. A public place is never somewhere people want to cause a scene but for the man, it was his favorite past time. He began to yell at the girl, leaving the table angrily and stomping out the door. Throwing a tantrum just as a three year old would.

The girl was then scolded for saying that to him as he wasn't and she was apologize for ever thinking he was. After clenching her jaw and apologizing, she tried continuously to prove her statement. She knew fully well that if the man was to keep drinking as he was, violence was sure to follow. He already treated the girl's mother worse than a dog, but the mother refused to leave.

This happened constantly for months on end. Always fighting with him in an attempt to defend both her mother and herself. She never won, but fought despite the fear of being hit once more. Eventually the two didn't speak at all. The mother became very angry as the step-father would constantly tell her of the girls "misdoings." Having been through a number of councilors, at the mother's request, the girl began taking medication. She was told it would fix the chemical imbalance in her causing depression and anxiety. After being on medication for sometime the mother decided she would apply for adoption.

New Start

The girl couldn't believe what was happening, it was as if her mother wanted to replace her brother. Knowing that was ridiculous, as the mother loved her son with all of her heart, the girl excepted the idea and was excited at the thought of having a sibling again. She could fix all the wrong she had done to her brother if she was an amazing big sister for this new child. Two years of looking for a child and we finally had one. It was siblings, a boy and girl. Love at first sight became a reality for the girl when she looked at her new siblings. They both resembled her brother in some way. The boy had the same blonde almost white hair color, the girl became just attached to her older sibling just as much as the girl's previous brother had.

The girl became protective of the younger children upon meeting them, trying her best to keep her step-father away from them. At times she couldn't always be at their side. One of those times the man had the children in the kitchen next to the room her mother was asleep in. He got close to the children's face and spoke down to them saying "If I'm going to be miserable, you're going to be too."

The emotions the girl felt at that moment were those of a mother seeing her child being bullied. Instant rage hit the girl. How else could someone feel about that situation? They had already gone through trauma as it was and he thinks he can tell them that? To the disappointment and relief the children's relatives were going to take them. Sadness overtook the girl as she watched their car leave.

Despite being happy they weren't going to take anything from her step-father, the girl became increasingly depressed. The children had the been the best thing going in her life at that point. One of her reasons to be alive. Her grades, health, and social life declined more as time passed. 

Hurricane of Change

After the threat of Child Protective Services being brought in, the mother left her husband and went to live in an RV with her daughter. The girl started to thrive while living in the RV. Her mother however got worse with each day. The man never called her or even tried to find them. He simply stayed in their house drinking the days away. The mother went back to him despite all of that.

As the girl was beginning her final year of high school, her step-father started staring at her with bad intentions. The girl wasn't very good at getting up for school and her step-father would wake her to make it on time. Most times, she fell back asleep and he would angrily wake her again. One of those times, he stood in her door way staring. Refusing to leave until she got up. The girl didn't like wearing pants when she slept and had to tell him she wasn't going to get up till he left. Angry the man left without another word. The girl became afraid of the man and what he might try to do.

Her fear was heightened when he saw her in her underwear. She had just woken up as it was the weekend and she had no plans for the day. Peeking out her door towards the hallway into the living room, she scanned for the man, he was always in the living room unless he went to a convenience store. Seeing no sign of him she walked quickly towards the bathroom. Two rooms over he heard the girl was up and ran to catch her. Turning to close the bathroom door the girl stopped in horror. He was standing right there and was looking at her. The exact way a parent was never to do. Closing and locking the door immediately the girl began to sob and was disgusted with her body.

As an hour passed the girl was sitting in the bathtub hoping someone would be looking for her. No one showed up. Not even her mother who was asleep as always a few rooms away.

Not long after the girl graduated high school. Her family had all come to celebrate. She couldn't though, the only thing on her mind was getting out of the house as quickly as possible. Having applied to a few apartment complex's the mother's sister offered the girl her home. She jumped at the chance and began packing. Her mother was furious that her baby was leaving. Many heated arguments came from the girl leaving. Her mother feeling abandoned, wouldn't have much to do with her child. The girl often felt guilty because of it but knew she had to get out. If she didn't leave, who knows what would happen.

Soon though, things got worse. The grandparents hated the thought of the girl moving out. Often threatening to kick her out of their daughter's home. The weight of it all started to show on her aunt's face. It affected her in such a way the girl always felt guilty. Maybe if she could just off herself things would get better. It was the girl's fault everything was happening. Why not just end it? She however, is a coward. 

Life Goes On

Some months after the move, the girl already had a job and vehicle. Believing she was doing well, she had a breakdown. The stress of things took hold and threw her heart in the trash. Deciding it was for the best the girl quit her job and gave her car back. Her grandfather who had given it to her in the first place, was pettily upset with her. He then began to believe she was a freeloading slacker who was no better than her real father.

To add insult to injury, the girl began to fight with her mother about her phone. The girl couldn't afford it and told the mother about it ahead of time. The mother became very angry and began telling the girl awful things. Not wanting to hear any more, the girl told her mother to get back with her when she was no longer upset. She was giving her time to cool off so they could have a real conversation. The mother then disowned the girl.

If you were to listen, you would've heard her voice crack and her heart shatter. How a mother could do that is something she would never understand. After several more conversations, the mother began to deny that she had ever done it. You would think the girl would no longer care about making her mother happy, or be so upset when her mother insulted her more. She did. She cared so much, no matter how many times she told herself she didn't. All that and she couldn't let go of someone who couldn't love her.

The aunt tried constantly to prove to the girl she was loved and accepted in her family. It never made sense to the girl and being so loved made her nervous. Then the guilt began to rise. Why should she have a family as wonderful as this when she can't even appreciate it? This thought plagued the girls every waking moment. It eventually caused a fight between her and her aunt. The girl felt very left out since her aunt brought a friend along and she had to sit in the back. The entire trip no one really talked to her.

Believing they must not care for her, she left her aunt at a store and walked to a park five blocks away. She sat there wallowing in her thoughts. No one cares for her, no one's even looking for her. Her aunt must be home by now. Maybe she's waiting for me to come home. She didn't know if she could. It was a bad idea to leave like that, the girl no longer had a phone either so she couldn't contact anyone.

She debating on moving back in with her mother. Her aunt didn't deserve this. She shouldn't have to make up for her mistakes. Having finally been found, the aunt scolded the girl with tears streaming down her face. It made no sense to the girl but she blamed it on trust issues. Feeling like a hypocrite, she tried to explain but couldn't find the words. Walking home was very emotional. Back home the girl went to her room and began to build a wall of pillows and blankets. As she started getting cold the girl refused to use a blanket. She was punishing herself once again.

Why should she get warmth? She caused her aunt so much pain. She didn't deserve to be warm. An hour after, despite being very upset the aunt went to see the girl. She was looking for answers but received silent sobs. Like a mother putting her child to sleep, the aunt tucked the girl in. The girl started to sob hysterically. She had never had someone do that for her. Anytime her mother was angry she wouldn't talk to the girl for some time. The girl couldn't understand why she was being treated so nicely. After talking with her aunt and clearing the air the girl began to think.

Now

Something wasn't right. She shouldn't be so triggered by things so insignificant. Weeks later the girl went to speak with her counselor, telling her about the incident. With a couple of quiet breaths, the counselor offered a possible diagnosis. Borderline Personality Disorder. Suddenly a wave of realization ran through her bones. She immediately became fearful. What else could be wrong with her?

She could end up in an asylum. She probably belongs there anyway. I would fit right in. They would have me in a straight jacket in a padded room. What if I snap? I'm afraid. 

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