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When I was little I was clueless to how toxic my father was. My little brain thought that's how all daddies treated their little girls. I loved him endlessly though it was one-sided. My father was a loving man to animals, his wife, and even my brother. When it came to me it was a whole new story.
I was always told he loved me to the moon and back by my mother but he was never there for me. When I began to dance he never came to a recital. When I won an award in gymnastics he shot me down saying it was a pity award. My mother always stood up for me and protected me.
When I turned 13, I finally began to realize the reality of the terrible man I called daddy, he never wanted me to refer to him as dad, instead he asked me to call him by his actual name but I didn’t want to, so when I would disobey his request I would get in trouble. I was constantly being mentally abused.
On my 14th birthday, I had two friends over to celebrate with me. As we were singing happy birthday my father sat on the couch and watched TV, he hadn’t even bothered to speak to me that entire day, but this was nothing new so I didn’t let it affect me. My friends, on the other hand, wanted to say something to him about it but I just waved it off, they would never understand.
Soon after it got abusive. I was slapped across the chest once when I asked him for money required for a school trip. I ran to my mother crying begging my mother to stop him. She loved him so she looked past it and gave me her last $20 bill from her wallet.
My father had always been controlling over money. We could barely go grocery shopping if he didn’t agree with what we were going to buy. But if he wanted a brand new truck, he would have it the next day. He would scream at me if I even thought to ask to get my hair trimmed. It was my mother always caring for me and giving me money.
My parents were finally separated when I turned 15 when my mother saw him hit me in the car while I was learning to drive. She fought with him endlessly, forcing him out of the house. He had never hurt her until that night. As my brother was hugging me watching him leave my father shoved my mom down in our gravel driveway. From then on he was never to set foot near our house ever again. They stayed separated with my mother occasionally visiting him for two years. His connection with my brother stayed strong, but ours was non-existent.
The divorce was finalized when I was 17; my mother called me crying telling me the news. I felt terrible. I was the reason my family was torn apart. My mother loved me so much that she knew enough was enough. My father legally had no visitation rights over me. And to this day he has never paid child support.
I do look back and think that this was for the best. We were broke for a long time when my father left. My mom convinced him to buy me a car for my 16th birthday because what girl doesn't want a car. But two weeks later he took it back and sold it since I'm a waste of money to him.
Not once in my life has he ever told me he loved me. But when you have a mom like mine, she gives you double the love. She provided for me even when she didn't have the money for it. She always found a way.
My father now lives in Tennessee with his girlfriend and neither my mother or I have heard from him. My mother found a wonderful man that treats her better than my father ever did. And I found a boy who loves me despite my past.