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"Daddy"

When is it okay to let them call him dad?

By Michelle SchultzPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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As many of you know, I'm a single mom. I'm in a serious relationship and I don't hide my daughter from that fact. Granted, she's only about three so it's not like I can sit down and have a full blown conversation with her about it. However, he's involved in our lives. He helps me with pick-up and drop-off at daycare, on Saturday mornings he watches her for a couple of hours while I work, and so that he can build a relationship with her. When I say serious, I don't just mean that we've been together for a while, I mean that we're building together, planning together, and encouraging each other to go further. I am completely for him building a relationship with my daughter. He's a positive male role model, which she has in her grandpa, and a few of my close friends, but nothing that is constant. My boyfriend is very respectful, and supports my parenting decisions. Even if he doesn't completely agree, he never disagrees with me in front of Lorelei. I back him too.

His name is Dave and she calls him "Dayday." We didn't discourage that, and we talked about what we do for when we finally become a permanent family, and decided we would ultimately leave it up to her, but wouldn't discourage her from calling him dad. Her biological father isn't in her life, and made his intentions to not be in her life clear and legal. So legally, I am her only guardian. Anyway, the "daddy" conversation has been had.

It didn't make it any less of a surprise though, when this past weekend, Lorelei called him "daddy." Both of us stopped, both us nervous. Neither of us addressed it to my daughter at that moment. We left the room to talk about it. At first, we were too in shock to say anything. Then it came out. She had called him Daddy. It was odd. For him. And for me. We both had our moment of shock, and then a few tears, but not sad tears.

This might sound weird. Her father has never been a part of her life. It shouldn't be that weird for her to call someone else Daddy, but it hit me in an odd way. I guess I never really thought about the actual moment itself. The thought of her calling him daddy has always been a positive thought in my mind. It's never the same in the actual moment. Not to say it was a bad moment; it wasn't. It was just odd. It was weird enough for him. As I said, we had talked about it, but we never expected her to just up and start calling him that. It was a singular event. She hasn't said it again so far, and I think part of that reason is that we didn't draw attention to it. But I wouldn't stop her if she did it again.

But that is a question for a lot of single parents. When do you introduce your kids? How do you ask if they're okay with them being in their house? How do you explain that you love that person, and not their biological parent? What do you have them call that person if they are in their lives from such a young age?

There are so many questions and no definitive answers. It's scary and exciting. And sometimes concerning. Even if you have no intention or thought of breaking up with that person, it's scary. There are so many factors that play into a relationship, and adding a kid to it is never easy. But it doesn't have to be disastrous. I used to believe that it would be just my daughter and me forever. I was convinced that I couldn't have a happy real relationship, because no one wants to date the single mother. I got lucky, but I also should've had more confidence in the people around me. My lack of confidence stopped me from asking my boyfriend out sooner.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; dating as a single parent is not easy. Dating, in general, isn't easy, but a lot more people swipe left when they figure out you have a kid. However, there are good people out there. There are great guys who will be patient, and understand that you will always have to put your kid first, and that won't be a problem for them. Same with women. There are plenty of women who are okay with coming into a relationship where the other person has kids. It's just a matter of weeding out the ones who aren't okay with it.

Having faith in another person is hard. Especially when your kid is in the middle of it; allowing that person to build a relationship with your kid, being okay with them addressing that person as something other than their name... it's confusing. I am one of the lucky ones. I am so happy my daughter has someone she can look at and think 'daddy', and not have it be a negative thought. Not any less scary, but it's exciting and I'm happy.

Planning my future with my daughter has always been a top priority, but having someone else to plan it with, having another adult to bounce ideas off of and make pro-con lists with is spectacular. Having my daughter love him, and trust him as much as I do is a fairy tale come true.

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About the Creator

Michelle Schultz

I'm mostly an editorial writer. I love to share my opinions and experiences. I don't hold back and I swear so if you take offense easily, my articles probably aren't for you. I'm a single mom just trying to stay sane.

@loreleismom

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