Coparenting

As a young girl I loved the idea of being a mother and I still do. I worked at a store and this man would come in almost every morning I was working and would have to go through my line, he wouldn’t go through anyone else’s but mine. He was divorced with 2 boys. I fell head over heels in love with him and I still am. Going on being together for 7 years and married for a little over a year. Coparenting with his ex at first was awful, but it eventually got better for us. If my husband's children would ask for something for their mother he, being the awesome father he is, would always get it for them to give her. I’m not going to lie when I say it made me a little upset and jealous that he would do this for his ex wife who betrayed him in their marriage. It would honestly hurt me because it always seemed he was going out of his way just for her. On the other hand if he didn’t get her what they asked for her to have, they would tell her and that always ended up with him getting either a text or phone call. That to me was a tad bit petty of her because it honestly wasn’t his place to make sure she had a present of some kind for a holiday, that should have been left up to her new husband. That’s when I started making sure the children had a present for their mother for the holidays. It may seem petty to most but being the first serious relationship since my husband's divorce I took it as making sure she wasn’t getting the wrong sign from him.

I would talk to my co workers about him buying her things and they said it was odd and to try to put a stop to it. To me it was odd because I have family that has been divorced and they never would do anything like this for their ex. I guess my husband is just a bigger man than they were. He just wanted to make his children happy and I didn’t see that then but I do now. We used to get along great now since we have had a child of our own and another on the way it’s gotten rocky again. She has even gotten remarried again and had a child with her new husband, but since I’ve gotten pregnant again things have gotten a little difficult with her. My husband's ex wasn’t always exactly the nicest to me, in fact she was quite mean to me there for a while because she took my husband to child support court and I went to court with him and I have no idea why that was such a bad thing. At a practice one of his children was having, she pretty much made a fool of herself, she got out of her car and cursed me and everything and wasn’t even going to let my husband's child stay for practice or even go home with us even though it was his appointed day.

When I found out I was pregnant she texted me out of the blue while I was at work and apologized for how she has done and asked me if she could bring my step children to the hospital when I had my child and if it was ok with me if she said, and of course I told her it was. As much as I want to, I still can’t trust her. She has showed me that she will and has gone behind my back and told my husband things I told her in confidence when she made me feel like I could trust her and she would be a friend to me. The children my husband and his ex have together are at times difficult to handle. I don’t know if they are being told things about us that aren’t true but since I have had one child and gotten pregnant again, the middle child has been really acting out. The oldest does sometimes but it’s not like how the middle child acts. When coparenting you have to watch what you say and what you do. That’s when the actual parent needs to step in and handle the situation with the children from the previous marriage.

When trying to help raise someone else’s children there should be boundaries set in place. The children should know that when their actual parent isn’t around that they should listen and respect the step parent, but that doesn’t always happen. The older they get the worse it seems to get, especially when the parent and step parent has another child of their own. The children will of course get a little jealous and that can be hard to deal with. It seems like if you punish one of them, they will say you’re being mean to them, but even if you punish your own child and doesn’t seem fair. You are punishing your biological child for things that your step children are doing. I know my step children seem to pick at my own and get him in trouble with his dad and I and they don’t get into the trouble that he does and he is only 2! We have sat down with my husband's ex and her new husband and we can resolve the issue but give it a week or so and there is a new issue to handle. It’s not easy but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world! Would I recommend another woman to marry a man who is divorced with children? I used to think I could answer that but now I don’t think I can. To each their own opinion.