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Confused Parenting

A child's lost identity

Photo by: Danielle Rufenacht Instagram: @ImpulseDCinema

Any women's first child will always be a pregnancy to remember. It's our first time we are encouraged to gain wait. It's a time we exchange the pain and discomfort of our monthly visits for a whole new kind of pain and discomfort. It's the time we prep for a new life to arrive and prepare ourselves to undergo the most intense naturally occurring pain that any human will ever naturally endure and no matter what you do to prepare yourself, you'll always have that sense of worry and doubt. But the relief and joy really does make everything a woman has faced well worth it. 

That is until you realize the world that surrounds your precious little one and just as hard and confusing it gets. Since the day I have brought my baby girl home I have found myself tuning into the media outlets more and more just to become self aware in order to make the best fit decisions I can for our child. I was astounded at the level of difficulty it is to enroll our child into some kind of child care. My husband and I both agreed paying for a daycare that simply watches our child wasn't worth our money. We believed that if she is to go into child care, it should be with a preschool that will educate her and be worth our time and money. We have held off on any kind of enrollment at the moment. We were ready but it seems another growing issue according to several different news outlets are pedophiles. I can't wrap my head around the idea of someone being sexually attracted to a young person. Growing into my new role as a parent can hit you like someone threw a rock at your face all of a sudden. Now I need to worry for my very own! 

The fear just takes over and can be very overwhelming. Watching the news I now see this new found way to raising a child. Teaching them a range of things like how these kids who are completely new to this world should not be taught about gender. Children should have the freedom and be ability to speak as they please. This list goes on. How can this possibly make any sense? 

Yes, there is a sense of understanding one's personal freedom and ability to grow into an individualistic person but that HAS to come from somewhere. I didn't know or understand what I was going though when I was younger. I needed my parents to fight back with me and place some kind of input for my own safety. Our frights always left me thinking and it helped me grow since I wanted answers. I can only begin to think where I could be if it wasn't for a sense of difference. Again, I agree and I want this to be very clear, children should be able to speak and grow into a beautiful and mesmerizing butterfly. But my question is how can they without the opposite? For this growing peaceful world it should seem that many of these new born hipsters have forgotten a crucial core component to peace and tranquility. Yin-&-yang only works by being one together. Teaching the changes and struggles that are real life has always prepared our children for the ability to grow and become a success. Giving our future the ability to grow and make a world we have long for years and have strived to be.

Race is still alive. Sexism is still alive. Preparing our future the ability to grow is teaching them to conquer these uglies and more like them. Yin-&-yang is also the understanding that these two balances are only possible if both sides can understand that delegate balance. Teaching our children goes beyond teaching them to stand up and fight back. We are also teaching them that life will always have it's challenges. It has to other wise we could not exist. But what makes being a parent the most confusing is the idea of erasing these worlds. The idea to live in a world of no education but simply open mindness, but it's a complete misunderstanding of open mindness. Not teaching them about their gender and biological necessary functions will only cripple and confuse them even more. How is one supposed to answer these questions: "why does he stand when he goes potty?" "why do I need to sit?" I've been a preschool teacher and a caretaker for the start of my working life and these were commonly asked questions. Fear took over me like the blowing of ice cold wind. I feared being able to answer these children. I wasn't sure how to educate them or how to explain why I couldn't too. 

Now I worry about placing my daughter into a preschool because not just because of theses ideas of possible physical harm that seems to be at every school. But I also fear of the teachings to comes with these preschools on how it must be. I believe my daughter should know about her bodily functions and to feel right with her body and not scared or confused. I want my daughter to know it is okay to be who you want to be. I want her to be taught respect and companionship. I want her to face failure so she can feel the pride in hard worked honor. I want to do all for her so that she sees me as a mother and not just a parent or friend. Because a mother can do it all and our secret weapon is our ability to approach life with our hearts always in hand, no matter how tough thing can take turn. I want her to know the strengths of a women and the endless possibilities we can obtain too because we are blessed to be.