Children on the Spectrum

After my son Caleb was born, at about four months old I knew something was a bit "off" with him. He made no eye contact and didn't smile much. I had a nurse that would make weekly visits to my home (from the nurse and family partnership program) and when she made a milestone check-up on Caleb, she confirmed my suspicion. She said she would monitor Caleb more because she suspects he might be autistic. Sure enough by the time he was six months old, my nurse referred him to early intervention and Caleb was evaluated. For the next few months, he was seen by therapists and evaluated thoroughly for any physical delays, occupational delays, and cognitive delays, as well as speech delays. I didn't know much about autism so I wasn't devastated by the time he was officially diagnosed when he turned two. I did however feel guilt for a while. Maybe if I didn't work so hard while I was pregnant. Maybe if I had a better diet. Maybe if I slept a bit more. Guilt was what I felt. I started learning more about autism and tried to understand my son. Little things that I didn't know would matter, actually mattered. For example, one of the psychiatrist took a toy away from Caleb's hand during an evaluation to see how he would react. In return Caleb tried to take the toy back. I thought he did good but the psychiatrist said Caleb never once made eye contact with him. Usually a child would study a person's face to see what the expression was like. Caleb just focused on getting the toy back. It was like there wasn't even a person in front of him at all. After trying for a few seconds, Caleb gave up and just took another toy. Apparently any other child would've tried a bit more to retrieve the toy or even cry. When calling Caleb's name he would never react or look at whomever was calling him. You had to physically go to him, grab his face and have him look at you. This was also unusual in a child at that age apparently. He didn't acknowledge people or his surroundings.

Caleb didn't really play with toys. Instead, he was fascinated with opening and closing drawers, doors, and cabinets. He had and still has an obsession with keys and locks (he is the designated mailbox checker at home). Since he was a baby he always had a healthy collection of toys, but he never really played with them. He liked to line them all up in neat little rows along the bathtub or on the floor. If he saw a Lego where the toy cars went, he would take the Lego out and put it where it belonged. He was (and still is) obsessed with cleanliness. He cannot see dust, hair, or garbage at all on the floor. The floor has to be spotless at all times. He cannot see his clothes or body dirty as well. The psychiatrist said something about Caleb being sensitive to touch and having sensory issues. Which made sense to me because he didn't like to be carried or touched, especially not by strangers AT ALL! He had to wear clothes that were made out of cotton or a similar soft material. He was definitely socially awkward and lacked any type of social interaction. Caleb was the quietest child ever. He never spoke. He didn't even babble until he was almost one.

Interestingly enough, Caleb was able to complete ANY puzzle in record time. His therapists mentioned that he had a great memory, a photographic memory even. His pincer grasp was always good. He was always also attracted to water. Which made bath time a breeze (but then it was difficult to get him out of the bathtub). Another thing odd about Caleb was that he enjoyed being in his baby chair. He would cry to be put into his chair to watch TV or to eat his food. He was always a picky eater. He only liked soups, noodles, pastas, white rice, and fruits. Nothing else! His food couldn't be mixed either! He drank an insane amount of liquids which all of his therapists pointed out to me. Caleb only had two favorite activities. He LOVED reading books. He made me read the same books over and over and OVER again. I memorized his favorite books and basically read them on auto pilot at one point. If I didn't read it until he was satisfied he would tantrum. Around when he was two is when I started noticing his OCD. It started with little things like his food not touching other foods. Or a certain toy being where it belongs. Then it began to get worse. He made me walk in and out of rooms over and over until he was satisfied that I "did it right." Then it turned into having full blown meltdowns if I walked into a room unannounced, or if something happened that he didn't see coming. For example, if he fell he would become furious and "redo" the fall over again, but this time he knew to expect what was going to happen. The only times that Caleb sat still was when he was watching his favorite shows (his second favorite activity) Pocoyo or Peppa Pig. I tried making him watch something else, but he would cry. I remember the first time Caleb genuinely laughed. We were watching Peppa Pig, (the episode where daddy pig loses his glasses) and whenever Peppa looked for the glasses and didn't find them, Peppa would snort and say "oh." After she did this three times Caleb began to laugh hysterically! I remember running to get my camera to record him because I didn't know when I would get to hear him laugh again.

After witnessing Caleb laugh for the first time, I started paying attention to his actions more. I began to understand that he wasn't just doing random movements. He was reenacting everything that he saw Pocoyo or Peppa Pig do. He would run to the bathtub to look for daddy pig's glasses. He would climb into an empty Huggies diaper box and babble away, but in his world he was climbing into the Vamoosh with Pocoyo and blasting into space. I was amazed at how Caleb acted out every single scene, sometimes he wouldn't even be looking at the TV and he already knew what was going to happen just by hearing what was going on. He would shout out random jibberish at the same time that one of the cartoon character would. I started to join him in his world and began acting out scenes with him too. I remember the first time I acted out a Pocoyo scene (the little Martian band one), Caleb's eyes were wide open for a few seconds just watching me. Then he smiled in approval and joined in. I was officially a part of his world now. That was the first time that I think Caleb really saw me. I knew he loved me and that he was aware that I was his mom but THAT moment was when he really saw me. I understood him. I introduced Caleb to sign language before he turned two. He picked it up very quick and learned a few words every other day.

Fast forward to today. Caleb is now a four-year-old preschooler. He is currently enrolled in the CPSE program and is receiving all of his services in a special needs school. He is now semi-verbal and is starting to string together sentences. I can finally hear his voice! He is doing so well and although we still have our days I wouldn't change it for the world. Autism doesn't have to be scary, because it really isn't. My son is AMAZING! He sees the world in a different way and he's teaching me how to view the world from a different angle. Caleb has taught me patience and has introduced me to a whole new community of people that I would have never otherwise met. He has taken me places. We have been on Good Morning America and are even going to be issued in Parents magazine this month. How can a little boy do so much in just four short years? My son is just one of the many faces of autism. I wrote this piece just to let whomever reads this know that people that are born with autism are just that...people.