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Changing Names? Here's Why I'm Doing it

Your name is your primary identifier in life. It's what people first hear when you introduce yourself. Everything else comes second. Your social security number, your degrees and qualifications, your achievements, all secondary to your name. So why shouldn’t you have the freedom to choose what your name is.

By Michael DelaguaPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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My name is Brent Michael Benton, but not for long. I’m changing my name and here’s why.

I was raised in sunny Durban, South Africa, by three strong women. My mother, my grandmother and my aunt. These three women moulded me into the man I am today. I was raised in a Catholic home. Thus my names were derived from that of my father and an icon from the Bible—Brent being my father’s second name and Michael after Saint Michael the Archangel, leader of the army of God, against evil forces. My father, was an absent father. I have no memory of him from my childhood, aside from a photo of me as a baby, perched precariously on his lap. As I got older, I knew of him and knew who he was, but never got to know him in the way a father knows his son. This, unbeknownst to me, was setting me on a very curious path in my self-discovery.

I never felt the need to have my father present in my life until I became older. Suddenly the world was placing obstacles and temptations in front of me that I felt ill equipped to handle. Having been raised by women, I was a gentle creature, cautious of not hurting feelings and often felt emasculated by lack of understanding of what it truly meant to be a man. I identified as a man, but often questioned myself on whether I was really man enough. In my late teens the opportunity to bond with my father arose and I jumped at it. I, however, was dismally disappointed. My mother had always told me during my teens how if I ever got the chance to build a relationship with my father, I should not hesitate and give him the opportunity to prove wrong all his accusers. Instead he proved them right. Since his separation with my mother, when I was a couple months old, my father had begun a life and family elsewhere—a family that I did not fit into, and, more often than not, I was made aware of this by his family. This led to a complete breakdown in the pathetic relationship we had built and the tiny spark continued to dwindle until his passing in 2015.

Fast-forward four years later and I am faced with the dilemma of self-discovery. Who am I? What do I want? What am I doing with my life? I came to conclusions for most of these questions except for that of who am I? I felt a disconnect. I felt as though who I am is not really who I am, if that makes any sense. I needed, plainly put, an identifier. My name didn’t fit me. Neither did my surname. So much had transpired with me and my father that I needed a way to be rid of that part of my life completely. I did not want to embrace it. There was nothing to embrace. I felt no part of my father living on in me. It was as if someone was calling me by a name not my own legal name and I was disgusted by it. Thus, my decision to change my name.

Parts of my name would remain—such as Michael would now become my first name—as I felt a strong connection to that name. I was raised a Catholic, and attended a church named St. Michael's Parrish. The name was also given to me by my dear mother and the women who raised me. I am strong spirited, I care deeply and will fight for causes I believe in. I am in most senses, in fact, a “Michael.” The name Brent and surname Benton would be dropped all together. Shedding a cloak of discomfort and disassociation. I would adopt a new surname, a creation of my own.

Though I hold no Spanish roots, I have decided that my surname will be a Spanish surname. Something that describes me in a holistic sense, with grandeur and conviction. I love Spanish and Latin culture. It makes me feel whole and understood. The Spanish language, for me, is the most beautiful there is. And I want beauty in my name. I want my name to provoke a sense of power. I also want it to tell people something about myself without telling them anything at all, something which can only be achieved in a language other than ones own. Thus, my surname would be Delagua from the Spanish term “del agua” meaning “from the water.” Why this? Well because I was born in a hospital overlooking the Indian Ocean in a coastal town in South Africa, and because I’m a Pisces.

Ultimately my decision is based on me, and how I feel. Is it pretentious to change your name? Maybe. Do I particularly care? Not at all. Am I still going to change my name? You can bet your bottom dollar.

Michael Delagua

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About the Creator

Michael Delagua

Sometimes I write, other times I run naked through a sunflower field.

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