Can She Really Be Suicidal at 10 Years Old?

To answer the title question simply, yes! But let’s be realistic, 10 years old? What would a ten year old have to contemplate suicide over? That’s how I felt after my daughter told me she was thinking about hurting herself.

It was the summer after 5th grade, my 17 year old and her boyfriend were laughing and swimming in the pool. My 10 year old was sitting on the stairs of the deck, wrapped in her towel, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had passed her 5th grade year with straight As and the summer had been full of joy so far, so what could be wrong? She wasn’t hurt, she wasn’t sobbing, she just quietly sat there with tears in her eyes. I sat beside her and asked “What is it, Mikayla?” She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. I bumped her shoulder with mine, “Come on, Kay, talk to me, something has to be bothering you or you wouldn’t be crying.” She turned to me and with a look I will never forget and she said, “Mom, I am seriously thinking about hurting myself and I don’t know who to talk to about it.” I was filled with so many emotions, I wanted to scream with anger, slap her silly for being a fool and hug her out of fear but instead I told her she did the right thing by telling me how she was feeling. I sat there dumbfounded, I should have known what to say. I was trained for this, with a degree in counseling I had been through dealing with suicidal clients at work for the last 15 years. It’s a bit different when it’s your own child, especially your 10 year old child. I put my arm around her and asked her the all important question, “Kay, have you made a plan to hurt yourself?” She turned her head to look at me and nodded. No words, I wanted to grab her and beat some sense into her, but I knew that wouldn’t help. Instead I waited and listened.

Mikayla is smart and talented and every parent's dream come true. I know, every parent thinks that they have the perfect kid but Mikayla is as close to perfect as I could imagine. She is brilliant and sings like an angel, she is artistic and imaginative beyond reproach, she can make me laugh on my worst day and is my calm during the storm. Why would the sweet girl feel that she could ever want to damage any of that? I couldn’t understand. She went on to explain that all of the last school year was horrible for her. I knew that she had some problems with friends during the school year but I had no idea she was this distraught. She told me that she did not want to to back to school and since summer was coming to an end she would rather die then go back to deal with what she had to deal with last year. She said she had no friends and that everyone that she was friends with had turned their backs on her and that they all hated her. They were making fun of her for having glasses and braces. They teased her about being smart and having good grades. They laughed at her clothes and her shoes. She said she did not want to go back and have to deal with all of the hatred and the meanness.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to beat up a bunch of kids. I wanted to call of the parents. I wanted to call the school principal. I knew I couldn’t do any of that or it would make it worse for Mikayla. So instead I just listened some more. I asked if there was anything I could do, Kay just shook her head. She wouldn’t tell me any names. She only said everyone was mean to her. All of the people she was always friends with but now she’s not friends with anyone. Her words, “I’m going to be alone from now on.”

What do I do now? I just sat there holding her in my arms. Hugging her and letting her cry. I didn’t want to minimize her feelings but I knew she was probably over reacting. Things couldn’t be this bad. She wasn’t being bullied, not my kid. She’s too smart, too sweet, too talented, too pretty, too whatever...

I was wrong.

...Stay tuned for the next installment to see what happens to Mikayla.