Blood and Water

All my life I have never understood people whose sisters are their best friend. Seeing two sisters hugging and hanging out and actually enjoying it was like seeing a unicorn for me. I could not fathom being my sister's best friend. Especially since most of the time I never really felt like her little sister.

For as long as I can remember she has never wanted me around unless she wanted something from me. I always thought maybe when we get older things will be different. Maybe we could be like the women on the show Girlfriends. And now in our 20s both on our own and with children nothing has changed. When I was younger I practically begged for her to like me but it only made her want to hit me more.

I never understood why she always left me alone when my mom went to work. She always had so many friends, I was never one of them. And with my mom always working she got to ditch me as much as she wanted to, And lord forbid I tell on her. The one and only time I did that and she cut the hair off of every single doll I had and whatever new one I got. After a while I stopped playing with dolls altogether they never survived.

I have always felt like an only child (until she calls asking for something yet again). And now that we're older we might as well be strangers. She never calls me unless she wants something out of me so I don't bother answering the phone, I don't even have her number saved. My mother gives me that "ya'll sisters" speech and "Ya'll have to stop acting like that" script. But how do you explain to your mother that the evil spawn she birthed could care less about you unless it benefits her without making it sound like she worked so much that she forgot to teach her first born to give a damn about somebody besides herself?

She was never taught to look out for me, or that you shouldn't leave a 5 year old home alone, or to let me in the house after school before she goes to hang out, instead of leaving me in the hallway for hours, she never learned to feed me while you were at work or not to hit me in the chest because of my severe asthma. Cause if she had I wouldn't be such a loner. Maybe I wouldn't be so introverted and pressed to solve all my problems all alone.

Maybe I wouldn't have such a natural irritation to other females and maybe a lot of the mistakes I made could of been avoided if I had back-up. I just hope I can teach my daughter better when her little sister gets here. I don't want her to have the same feelings I have yet to get rid of. I don't know what it's like to have loving siblings my brothers are in the wind without a care as well. So I made my own brothers and sisters. All of them are my best friends but we are more related then those I share blood with. Blood is only thicker then water if it's ice cold in the veins. I don't think we will ever be like the sisters on TheCosby Show but because of my "appointed" siblings, at least I know what it's like before my life ends.