Being One and Done by Choice

As a kid, I always wanted to be a mom. I was constantly begging my parents to buy me baby dolls, and I would take them everywhere with me. I was always taking care of these baby dolls and practicing being a mom. I worked at a daycare for a year when I was 17–18 years old. That made me more set on the idea of wanting to be a mom and wanting a big family. I wanted about 3–5 kids, and I remember when I met my husband and started talking about our future I said I wanted to have at least three kids, and I would not settle with less. He agreed and before we got married we started trying for a baby. I was 20 years old when I had him. After we had our son, I realized being a mom was nothing like how I expected and that’s normal. After a year of having him, I started thinking about the possibility of him being an only. It was hard and I jumped back and forth between having another child in the future and not having another one. My son is now three years old and I am 23, and I am making an appointment to have my tubes tied. It is a decision my husband and I both agree with and, while it is our decision and our decision alone, we have gotten hate for this decision. So why am I posting this on a public site knowing I might get more hate for this? Because I know, while I might get hate, there’s going to be someone who is in my shoes who needs this. So here are some things I feel every one-and-done parent should hear.

1. It is your decision and no one else’s.

It does not matter what your parents, friends, or strangers think. You need to think about what is best for your family. People will say, “You can’t have just one.” But there’s no rule about how many kids you can have. There are people who are happy without any children, and that’s great. There are people who are happy with 10+ kids, and that’s great. It’s whatever will make you and your family happy. Whether this decision is made because of financial reasons, health reasons, or personal reasons, it doesn’t matter. Our family dynamic is what works for us, and you need to do what works for you.

2. It isn’t selfish.

Making this decision isn’t a decision I took lightly. Like I stated before, I fought with this idea for two years before making a decision. I am a stubborn person, and when I have my mind set on something it is hard for me to change it. I wanted a second child mainly because I felt like it was what I had to do. I always heard the first child is a “test child” and a second child gives you a chance to fix the mistakes you made with the first. After really thinking about it for my family, it was more selfish for me to have a second child than it was to stick with just one. That isn’t the mentality that everyone has, and I get it, but for me personally, that’s how I saw it.

3. Nothing is guaranteed.

People will constantly tell you how your child would love a little brother/sister or that you have to give your husband a son or your wife a daughter or how there’s no closer connection than siblings. None of that is guaranteed. If your first one is a boy there’s no guarantee that your second one will be a girl or vice versa. I have a cousin who had three girls before he got a boy. You can’t guarantee that your children will grow up and be best friends forever. My dad only talks to two of his eight siblings. None of that is guaranteed and no one can promise you these things.

4. There’s no such thing as only child syndrome.

People think that only children are spoiled, entitled, and antisocial. That is not the case at all. I have met children who have multiple siblings who are spoiled, entitled, and antisocial. On the flip side, I’ve also met children who don’t have siblings who are generous, humble, and social butterflies. It has been proven time and time again that there’s no such thing as only child syndrome. When you put only children and children with siblings together, you can’t tell who is who. It’s not about how many siblings a child has, it’s about how you raise them.

5. You are still a parent.

People will tell you real parenting begins when you have more than one child. That is definitely not true! Real parenting begins the moment you decide to raise a child. It doesn’t matter if you have one child or multiple children, you are still a parent. Having more than one child doesn’t make someone more of a parent. You are a parent and there’s nothing they can say or do that can take that away from you. If you take away nothing from this article just remember that regardless of what they say you are a parent and choosing to have one child doesn’t make you any less of a parent.