Being Grateful

I cannot tell you how great it feels to hit that “Write” button after so many months of having a mental creativity block. Recently I was inspired to recreate the look of my blog and, when I did, I remember how I felt when I first created it…optimistic and motivated. Writing again, I feel as if I am in my comfort zone, sitting in front of my brightly lit computer screen at roughly 3 AM, listening to the clicking and typing of my keyboard, pouring out all my thoughts and feelings that have been kept inside of me for these past four months and, let me tell you, it feels amazing. As I am sitting here, trying to think about what I could possibly write about next, one thing in particular hits me, it was a conversation I had today with my mom and little brother. See let me start from the beginning. Growing up, I was extremely outgoing, friendly, and not one shy trait in me, basically carefree, but as I got older I became more conservative and really cared about what people thought of me. See growing up in Rosedale is pretty difficult, because a majority of my friends lived in large homes, had extraordinary birthday parties, and had a large selection of material objects you wish you could have, but realistically you know you cannot, so you say and do things to help you fit in. I was one of those children. See in fourth grade, I had a crazy, active, creative imagination. I kept my parents away from the school because little did they know, I was living a double life during school hours. I wasted a school year telling my friends I had my own Build-A-Bear workshop, McDonalds, and ferris wheel all in my larger than a millionaire's house backyard. Everyday during groups, everyone would lean in close to hear my stories about how I got to travel and I made so many friends…. I was the center of attention. Then, one day, my mom showed up at the school to surprise me and well, you can probably guess what happened… “Oh my gosh, are you Amanda’s mom? Can we go to your house? I want to build a bear! I want chicken nuggets! I want to ride the ferris wheel!” and let me tell you, I will never forget the look on my mom's face. As a child, you don’t know any better than just wanting to make friends and wanting to fit in, but that look on my mom's face made me feel ashamed and I knew exactly what I did was wrong. As you get older, you just stop caring about what people think and you start living your life, because, in reality, people are going to reject you no matter the choices you make. Looking back, I didn’t have to lie, we lived in a beautiful gated community with a home that my parents built together from scratch. We take these things for granted and we don’t realize we have these things until they are gone. It’s sad how society can turn an 8-year-old girl insecure about things she already has, but doesn’t realize it. I now see this happening in my youngest brother who is 12. Although, I started lying at a younger age, I can tell he doesn’t want us around as much as he used to. The idea of my parents and I coming to his school events makes him cringe and he slowly slips away. He stops giving us the school event papers and he doesn’t get excited for future days like his 6th grade party, Bulldog day, and graduation. He could still be lying and embarrassed, kind of like I was when I was younger, but that might not be the case here. I guess his friends at school believe it's uncool and weird to bring your family to family events like open house and things like that, and it’s sad, ya know? Society ruining my little brother's head like that… he is the last baby in the family, the last child for my parents to watch grow up. You may not believe me when I say his friends say these things, but we’ve been attending this elementary school for 15 years and the attendance rate for tonight’s open house was the lowest my mom and I have ever seen… and we’ve been to every single one, since 2002. Going back to the conversation that influenced me to write today, I found myself holding back tears as I explained to my brother that my biggest regret was not appreciating my parents being as involved in my life as they were. My parents showed up to every school event, or at least tried to, to the best of their ability, and now here I am, going to be 20-years-old next year, wondering where time went and realizing the only family event I get to look forward to is my college graduation. I no longer get to walk my parents around campus to show them my classrooms, my handmade art projects my teacher hung on the walls, my own desk I kept so clean with my FREE educational books. I no longer get to show them my Valentine’s day boxes, my AR reading goals, or take them to my Honor Roll Banquets. I am still a child to those who are older than me, but in reality, I am not. I just hope he and other kids realize… time flies. Don’t be ashamed of yourself or your family. You can feed into the ways of society and your friends, but remember this… “Friends come and go, but family is forever.”