Being a Parental Figure 5 Years Late

I never once thought in my life that at the young ripe age of 23 I would be an old lady.

I rarely go out to party with people, I'm usually under a strict routine for bed and we only have our daughter a few weeks at a time. When we don't have her, I'm even less likely to go out and 'live it up' and here is why.

I ran through high school with a head as thick as a concrete block. Nobody could say anything to me without me fighting them. Nobody could tell me what I should be doing with my time. I was a teeny-tiny ball of fire no one dared to mess with. I did a lot of partying, and sadly I ended up doing a lot of drugs during that phase which set off a horrible chain of events afterward. Drugs stuck to my insecurities like glue, ended up acting as a catalyst for the impending issues that would come up in your regular teenager lifestyle.

Fast forward a forced cold-turkey drug vacation and several years of intensive Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I had a lot of communication issues thereafter, and I am now a proud step parent with no training.

There is no manual, nobody really expressively explains how strange and uncomfortable it is raising a child, especially only part-time. I learn through trial and error and I wouldn't ditch it for the world now.

My Maya Marie is a handful. She has the typical traits of any kid you'd meet around her age except in small remote communities, family lines have specific traits associated with them. Fortunately for me, Maya is overly loving sometimes; trust me I'll explain how needed it is later. She always says goodnight to me. If I'm sore she tries to give me candy to make it better and she always tells her daddy he needs to kiss me more and we need to make another baby. She says she can be the best sister ever. Sounds sweet eh?

Now, those traits are certainly 100% from her father. Her mother, on the other hand, let's just spare the name calling because she has done a great job with Maya. Also from a small community that is known for those 'familial traits'. These mix of traits make Maya a bundle of joy, and my biggest nightmare to date. Maya will be beyond sassy. I'm not talking like girly girl sassy. She is ruthless when she chooses to be.

As a part time parent new to this whole shebang, trust me when I tell you IT IS CONFUSING. I do not know all of the ins and outs of miss Maya's personality, being only 5 yet having very distinctive traits is always a plus on my end. I usually go to bed wondering what the heck I did to her that day to receive the sass out of this tiny little person. I also have the luxury of getting cuddled like I'm the only thing that matters in the morning. This lasts until I have to be the awful one to have to scoot her to her dad's side of the bed so I can go do my horrible 9-5 job.

Being a parent has its perks. Lots of them, but half the time I now know no single parent feels like they are ever 100% good at being a parent. Every interaction you have with your little person usually will end up with you just agreeing to avoid a sassy backtalk. You're trying not to laugh because man, you are raising such a little weirdo. I now look at my parents and I am in pure awe at how well they held themselves together. I never would've known as an adult that being a primary role model for a young child was such a roller-coaster. There are so many ups and downs it's enough to exhaust you before you even begin to do your daily routine. There is always a little voice "Mommy, why are you doing that?" or "what time is it?" "can you get me a drink?" "what is that guy on the tv doing?" Those are some of my favorite and simultaneously my most hated questions because I hear them not once, not twice, hell - not even thrice. It can be anywhere from 5-20 times but when you get to look at your little person fast asleep all calm. No nightmares, no waking up - man does it feel like you do something great every day.

This is to all the parents out there who always feel like they're so out of their scope of knowledge, because if I have learned anything as a parent in a blended family. NOBODY IS EXPECTED TO HAVE ANSWERS FOR IT ALL. Hah, I used to expect parents to know everything. Man is my foot in my mouth now. All said and done; I wouldn't prefer it any other way ever.