Being a New Mom Really Sucks!

When you're pregnant, you have all of these blissful aspirations about how wonderful everything's going to be. You think about the kind of mom you'll be, and how your birth will be prefect. Sometimes this happens, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the baby won't come out or your blood pressure skyrockets. Because really, you can't control your birth. You can have an idea about what will happen. But it's my opinion that birth happens to you. You can read. You can plan. But in the end, you are ushered into motherhood with a squirmy, wonderfully squishy baby.

And much like birth, motherhood usually isn't the way we pictured it to be. Our society puts so much pressure on new moms to be in love with being a new mom. You should be sitting on top of the world. I mean, why not? You're there with your new baby, all dreamy and blissful with not a care in the world. Right? Well, I say fuck that! Because that's not even close to what's going on. The stuff that you read—the shit that people post all over FB, through their rose-colored glasses, isn't the way it really is.

Being a new mom is the craziest experience. You're home from the hospital 48 hours to four days after pushing a new life, or having a new life cut out of your body. Your vagina is gushing blood, and you may have an incision. And most likely you have stitches in or around your vagina. Or both. Now doesn't that sound like fun? Your boobs hurt because your milk hasn't come in yet. But that doesn't stop the baby from feeding—All. The. Time. And if you choose to pump, you're doing that every two hours, or you're making bottles. Whatever it is, that baby has to be fed. And then changed and burped and rocked and changed and fed—continuously.

It is this intense newborn bubble that if you haven't experienced it first hand, you truly cannot understand. After having my first child, I realized why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Because that's exactly what it is. Torture. Because whoever came up with "sleeping like a baby" is an idiot. Babies don't sleep well, especially not at first. And for some people, not for a very, very, soul-crushingly long time.

And then there's the onslaught of people that feel the need to visit immediately after you get home! Unless you're showing up with food, to help clean and do laundry, or to occupy the other children that so many of us have—I don't want to see you. At least not right away. It's not relaxing for a new mom to have visitors, and I don't think people realize it. It makes you feel like you have to host, and you feel gross, and you definitely don't want to clean the house. Because let's face it, at this point, there's no way you're getting to shower daily. You're covered in spit-up, pee, and definitely breast milk and/or formula. And you're bleeding. Let's not forget about that.

So when someone you love has a baby, leave a casserole at the door with a note. Don't knock, don't come in. Because if the dog barks and wakes up that baby, trust me, they will remember it was you.

Now I'm not saying that every mom feels so awful when they're in the initial throes of motherhood. But I do think that the dark side isn't talked about enough. As women we feel so much pressure to be the best mom, and to enjoy every minute of it. Because I'm sure that you've heard it just as much as I have- "Enjoy this time, because it goes by so quickly!" Yes I understand that, but also Fuck Off. I can hate motherhood one minute and love it the next. Because that's what the hormones, mood swings, and emotions do to you. People say the dumbest shit, and I wish they would keep their shitty advice to yourself. We don't want to hear it.

So I say, being a new mom sucks and it's wonderful. But we need to talk about the bad along with the good. If everyone thinks that they're alone in how they're feeling, then how will it ever get better? Let's talk about how we hide in the bathroom and cry. Or shove the baby into our partner's arms when they finally get home. Because if you have to hold, rock, feed, or change that baby one more time, you might just lose it.

I had postpartum depression and anxiety after my first and couldn't recognize it, so it went untreated and I suffered. This shit is real, and it needs to be talked about. It isn't just the "baby blues," it is a drop and shift in your hormonal balance and the chemicals in your brain. It is fucking science, and I wish that it was discussed more so it could gain normalcy. Because the advice I do hear is take long walks, exercise, breathe, relax...hahahahahaha. Now, all of those things are awesome, but they aren't going to correct your chemical imbalance. You need medicine for that. Some people might not agree, but that's my experience.

After I had my second baby, I developed PPD/PPA almost immediately. And this time, luckily for me, I recognized how I was feeling, and so did my mom. Who basically made me make an appointment. And for that I'm eternally grateful. Because after your six-week postpartum checkup, there is nothing else done for the mother. There's not even someone calling you to follow up and ask how you're feeling. And that needs to change. Because after about a week of being on the medication, it was like a fog had lifted. I felt much more like myself. It was a savior.

Now I'm not saying that pills are a cure-all. I think it's a combination of things. But I urge anyone who feels sad more than they feel happy, who feels anxious more than they feel relaxed, or who feels angry more than not to talk to your doctor and get help. Let's not be ashamed. Let's shine the light on this topic, and make it something that we talk about.