Becoming a Single Parent

Single parenting is often the result of engaging in unprotected sex in the heat of a moment. For some women, this may be a welcoming life-altering experience although it involves raising a child alone. There are also those women who view this experience as unwelcoming because of the obvious changes and priorities must be reevaluated. I have often heard from my elders that the best way to avoid becoming a single parent is complete abstinence until marriage. Overall, I knew this belief was true because I had attended junior high school and high school with pregnant teenagers, most of whom had boyfriends who had abandoned them once they realized a baby was on the way.

Although I was 16 when I began taking birth control pills, I can honestly say that I didn’t engage in sex until after I had graduated from high school. I had been raised by a mother who made sure that we attended church on a regular basis and from the teachings of our Sunday School teacher, my great grandmother, I knew pre-marital sex was frowned upon for true Christians. Still, I was young and curious, especially when I left home for the first time to attend job corps at age 18. Fortunately, I completed both high school and job corps in my teens without becoming a single mother.

By the time I reached 21, I had moved to Ohio and back to Mississippi, and was ready to make some final decisions for myself. Ultimately, my plan was to move back to Chicago, find a job, go to college and live there for a while. However, after participating in an experiment with three other friends that involved taking a pill formulated for men to take to increase sexual stimulation, called Rooster Pills and Spanish Fly, my life changed forever, although I didn’t know it at the time. The only reason I agreed to take the pill was because I did not think it would affect me in any way, since I had recently broken up with my cheating boyfriend and had no interest in getting close to anyone intimately. Though the four of us took our pill at the same, the affect was almost instantaneous for two of us and I wasn’t one who was instantly affected. Yet, by the time I did feel the pill’s effect, it was so overwhelming that I crossed the line with a longtime friend to satisfy my need.

The following evening, I loaded my belongings into the trunk of the car of the friend who had also been involved with the experiment and we headed to her apartment in Jackson. By the end of the week, I had landed two jobs and was ready to activate step one of my plan, working to earn money. Everything was falling into place for me because I knew I was about to begin earning money to save for my plan. The amount of money I wanted to save would take some time, but two jobs would help cut down some of that time to less than a year.

For a few months, I worked at a fast food restaurant during the day and for a telemarketing company for several hours during the evenings. I had begun saving money for my goal when I began experiencing health issues that I believed were a result of poor eating habits. The idea that I could be pregnant did not come to mind since I had been on birth control for a long time. Foolishly I thought after taking those pills for five years and being barely sexually active, I would not get pregnant if I missed taking a few.

But, during a weekend visit to my parents’ home, I became sick with symptoms that my mother attributed to pregnancy and she quickly took me to a walk-in visit with her gynecologist. Maybe it was embarrassment or perhaps denial, but during the entire trip from my mother’s home to the doctor’s office, I convinced myself that I was not pregnant. By the time we arrived at the doctor’s office, she had covered all her appointments for the morning and was able to take me back for an exam right away. In my mind, I’m doing what it takes to prove myself right about not being pregnant. Once the doctor had taken enough samples from me, I sat in the waiting room for the doctor to return with the results of her tests on me. Although it seemed like a long time, I eventually was called into the doctor’s office to receive the results. 'You are pregnant' are the only words I remember hearing before unconsciously zoning out from disbelief. I was given a bottle of prenatal pills and iron pills before I left the doctor’s office that afternoon, though I don’t remember if it was the doctor or her nurse that actually gave them to me.

It wasn’t easy for me to admit to my mother that she was right about my condition when we left the doctor’s office that day. But I knew eventually she would find out. So, I put on my big girl pants and shamefully confessed to her that the doctor’s exam had confirmed that I was pregnant. I tried to assure her that I would continue to work my two jobs for a few more months and then drop one of them. Surprisingly, my mother insisted that I give up my jobs and move back home because I was already dealing with health issues. It took me a few minutes to realize giving up those jobs and moving home would be for my own good since I was now pregnant. But, that’s what I did because my priorities would soon change. I decided to reevaluate my plans on moving to Chicago. Since I was about to become a single parent I knew that the lifestyle I had planned for myself, as a resident in the big city, would not have been ideal for me as a single parent. Despite the fear of being responsible for another person, as a single parent, it’s a role that has taught me about love in so many ways. And by the time I became the parent of my second and final child, I understood the importance of considering the feelings and needs of children.