Baby Talk

A few months back I watched Chrissy Teigen give an amazing speech about how it's not ok to ask someone when they are having children. They could be going through fertility treatments, they could be trying to adopt, or they could simply not ever intend on having children. Bottom line, we don't know someone else's struggle. It stirred a lot of emotion up in me, that I typically push to the back of my mind on most days. I identify so much with what she was saying it’s insane. Not having children by the age of thirty isn't an uncommon thing nowadays, but for some reason you still get the same old tired “your clock is ticking” or my favorite “those eggs won't cook for too much longer.” I get it, I do. It’s not that I don't want children, I do hope to have my own little bundle of joy someday. People, however, act as if they get offended that I don't have children or that I'm not actively trying. I'm honestly just not in the position I would like to be in before I bring a being that's totally dependant on me into this world. I got a late start on college, so at the age of 29, I'm still working on my degree. I want to be financially stable, not working paycheck to paycheck to barely make ends meet. I can't even begin to think about the world I would be bringing a child up in these days with being in a constant state of war, political turmoil, social injustice, bullying, and let's be frank here all the creeps running around nowadays. When people feel the need to discuss someone else's declining fertility, it tends to get a tad under my skin and here's why:

Sometimes people just flat out don't want children. Who are we to judge someone based on that? For all of the reasons I posted above can you really blame someone? The world today is not the same as the one I grew up in. It does NOT in anyway make someone a bad person, selfish, or narcissistic (I've been called all three before). I think it honestly makes you the opposite of that. I would much rather someone who doesn't want the responsibility of having a child to not have one, then see a child in the arms of someone who is unfit as a parent to have one.

Like Chrissy said, you don't know someone's struggle. I have known countless people who have had some kind of fertility issue. These issues are somewhat touchy with a lot of women, as they should be. They shouldn't have to explain themselves to anyone. I've known women who have spent upwards of $20,000 to go through IVF, get pregnant, and then tragically miscarried. Some of our bodies just can't handle a pregnancy and that's ok. According to some studies over 6 million women in America alone have some type of fertility issue, the numbers are pretty similar for men as well (it’s not just a woman problem), so infertility is honestly pretty common. We just don't need some “well meaning” stranger prying into our personal lives and making us feel any worse about the situation.

While not in the cards for everyone, most of us can agree children are a huge blessing. At the end of the day we should all think before we speak, and let common sense be our guide. Seeing as how common sense isn't that common these days, sometimes we just need a little nudge in the right direction. It’s ok when making small talk to ask someone if they have children, but it’s definitely not ok to judge someone based on that answer.