Alone and Pregnant

There's that beautiful moment. That moment when you find out that your body is no longer yours. That moment when you find out that you are about to watch a little person, who looks like you, grow into an amazing bigger person. You think about all the things you are going to do, and the things you'll teach him or her. And if it is a him or her! But then...you think about the last man you had sex with. He was your boyfriend, husband, friend, a booty call, or just a one night stand. You think, "Holy shit, how am I gonna tell him?" After walking around like a crazy woman and feeling like you are about to explode, you finally do it. You finally pick up the phone, or grab the car keys and are ready to face the storm. But for this sake, let's say he is an ex who turned into a booty call that you only see when you fly to his state.

You are here. You have his attention. He knows that he is about to be a father. And you are ready to hear the worst. But you get the opposite. You get the best. He says he is excited, and he wants you to move in. He wants to be with you every step of the way and wants that baby to be as healthy as ever. You are crying because your baby is about to have the perfect life! The man you are in love with wants you and this baby. You can finish school and be a stay at home mom because the father of your child is with you every step of the way. So you prepare your new life. You pack up, make your first doctors appointment, tell your parents (which was a whole situation in its own) and you just get prepared. Then everything changes.

Everything goes black. The life you thought you were gonna have is now all gone. You get a text from the father of your child that says, "I don't think I can do this."

Now you are here in this state of mind where you will be doing everything alone. He now wants you to get an abortion because he knows he can't live with knowing that he walked out on his kid after saying, "I can never walk out on my kid." Now because you refuse to end the life of someone you are so in love with, you are a cunt and a stupid bitch. He tells you that he hopes you die, and how hard the childs' life will be without a father. In that moment you think about how hard it will be for your child. How it made you feel when you did not have a dad around. So you make your appointment for your abortion. You spend the days to prepare and it's a horrible amount of days for you. Then the day comes and...you don't go.

You decide I can do this. I can be a single mom. My mom did it, so why can't I? Days pass and you have to come to the realization of being pregnant and alone when you see soon to be moms and their love ones at the doctors together while you are alone. It hits you when you have to put that crib together by yourself. When you have to not only save your money but spend it all on the things your newborn will need. It sucks. It hurts, and man, it is hard to get through sometimes. But then the day is over and you are fine, your baby is kicking and growing perfectly fine. And that is when you realize that everything will be okay. You look at that crib you got together by yourself. You look at those appointments you get to take in without worrying about someone else. And you know that it is going to be okay! You got this, and you are never alone. You have a whole new heart there with you.