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Adopting Siblings

A small inside peek to what really happens when you keep us together!

By Heidi WhitePublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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 My mom and dad kept us together, and added more to the mix! The 2 little ones are biological siblings, the 2 girls on the end are biological siblings, and the triangle in the middle are my biological siblings and I.

Whoa.

You just got that call. A case worker has asked you to take in three kids, siblings.

You don’t know that you can. I mean, you family will grow by three. Your SUV has a third-row seat, which means you could take them, or lose the space you hardly use. There will have to be bedroom sharing, but you never wanted your own kids to give up their space. Especially to some kids, that you know literally nothing about. Your monthly bills will go up, maybe by a couple dollars, or even a hundred. Can you really afford it?

There are so many things to consider when fostering and adopting. I would know, I grew up in the system, and was adopted. Twice. Here’s the thing though, you knew when you took the classes, you would come across something like this. So, let’s look at why adopting siblings really is beneficial.

When I first entered foster care, my siblings and I were always together. Every home we went to, they took all of us. Even if it was just for one night, and we had to share a queen size bed, we stayed together. My siblings were my haven, they were all I knew. When we walked into a new home, I knew I was safe, just because I had both with me. Up until this point, where ever they went, I went. It wasn’t until our first failed adoption, that we were separated. My older sister to one home, my brother and I to a different home.

My sister was my protector, she was the one who made sure we were safe and taken care of. Without her, my brother and I were lost. We didn’t have that protection and had to learn to fend for ourselves. We eventually started getting phone visits with her, but that wasn’t enough. I wanted my sister. I needed her. Regardless of what the state wanted or needed, I knew what I had to have. At some point in the process, we were able to visit with her. That’s not the same. Visits end, saying goodbye again and again only adds insult to injury. You don’t want to let go. You don’t want to say goodbye. Yet, you know there is nothing you can do, but walk away.

When you adopt siblings, you adopt familiarity. You adopt who they know, who they trust, someone who understands exactly what they are going through. You give them a piece of home without even realizing it. Keeping siblings together is more helpful than anyone can ever understand. You can learn a lot from siblings. Why child one does certain things, or why child two doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping by themselves.

They can help each other adjust to their new surroundings, instead of just throwing one into a mix of chaos. It can also prevent a lifetime of wondering where their sibling is. How their sibling is, what they turned out like. You keep that bond open, that relationship alive. From my experience, it helped my emotional state. I was emotionally sound with my siblings.

When you get that call, ask if there is more. Ask if the siblings can be kept together. I encourage you to give the siblings the same chance you are thinking of giving the one they called for. I challenge you to take on what might seem like a mammoth of a task. You will reap the fruits of your labor in giving these other children a chance to thrive with their sibling.

So what will your choice be? Will you take on that higher water bill? Will you adjust the car, or bedroom? Or will you only take one?

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About the Creator

Heidi White

Full time SAHM. Future crazy cat lady. Tim Burton is my home boy. We went to different schools together. 2 mini monsters that never repeat anything, until I cuss. Married to a bearded blessing!

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