A Survivors Guide to Miscarriage

This is for the people that don't know how to handle the loss of a miscarriage or are just tired of hearing "I'm sorry" or "It will be okay."

I have been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and that makes it hard for me to have children. Not impossible, I am blessed to have two beautiful babies. But I have had three miscarriages now. Dealing with that was harder than I thought it would be so if you're going through one right now, or have had one, or know someone who has, just know that there is nothing I can say to make it better. Nothing helped me except the comfort of my husband. But I do hope to help bring comfort from a person that has experienced three, myself.

Surround Yourself with Loved Ones

Personally, I just wanted to be alone with my husband. But having a support system whether it be one or 10, is crucial. Being alone really just makes you focus on it and makes you feel, well, alone.

Talk it Out

Talking to your support system is great, but sometimes you need to talk to someone who gets it. When it came to my miscarriages, I felt like it hurt me the most. I felt like my husband didn't understand because he didn't carry that baby. It was his baby too, but I felt like he didn't get quite as emotionally bonded with the babies as I did. Plus, for me it helped getting advice and learning what to expect. Which brings me to the next thing.

Learn What to Expect

I never had a DNC for my miscarriages. They had me do it all at home. For me, I liked that better because I felt more comfortable in my own home and I hate hospitals anyways. But it didn't help on knowing what to expect. They gave me a run-down but I didn't expect a lot of what happened, to happen. Learning some of those "nasty" details ahead of time would have really helped. The pictures may gross you out, but for me it helped prepare me. Maybe that will help you too.

Take it Easy

Your body is going through so much right now both physically and emotionally. The dishes can wait. The laundry can wait. Don't over do it or our body will have a harder time doing it's job. Plus, you need to grieve and process all of this as well. You may not have had the baby grow inside of you long enough to know what color his or her eyes are, or to know if they had hair, or to ever hear their voice... But, sometimes that makes it even harder. The wondering.

Take Some Pain Killers

Although you aren't giving birth to a "full size" baby, it does hurt. Don't be afraid to take something to help with the pain. There is no magic pill to make this all go away, but you can take something like ibuprofen to help with the physical pain.

Make Sure You're Eating and Drinking Enough

Again, this is a lot on your body. As much as I am sure that you have lost your appetite, make sure you're getting enough to eat and drink to help your body recoup from all of this. Chances are you're losing a lot of blood... You need to make sure your body has the fuel to replace all of that.

Ignore Those That Don't Know What To Say

Chances are they mean well, but hearing "I'm sorry" or "You can always make more" is probably going to get on your nerves. It did with me. Truth is, there is nothing that anyone could say to make this better. You just lost your baby... The first miscarriage I had, I didn't even know I was pregnant. I went to the ER because I started bleeding so bad that I felt weak. They said I was having a miscarriage. I didn't know I was pregnant before that, but it still felt like a brick wall was falling on me. I was losing a baby that I didn't even know I had. It hurt. The second time, we knew I was pregnant. We even picked her name out. I was 15 weeks... Almost half way through. I still cry and wonder what she would have looked like. I wonder what she would have been like. I wonder if my daughter now is anything like what she would have been like. We knew with the third and hopefully last miscarriage too. I guess what I am trying to say, is there is no special thing I could say to you to make this all go away. Just take care of yourself as much as you can physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I hope this helped in some way to you. There is nothing like holding your "rainbow baby" though. Give your body and mind a chance to heal and try again! I strongly suggest finding out why this happened, medically so you know how to be treated in the future. Unfortunately, my PCOS and hypertension were the cause of mine. When I found out the causes and got it under control was when I found out I was 13 weeks with our daughter. Don't give up hope!