A Letter to My 'Dad'

Dear Dad,

I would like to thank you. Thank you for coming into my mom's life and making her so very happy. Thank you for staying despite how much I tested you. Thank you for being there for every happy and wonderful moment in my life. Thank you for being there when I have hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't continue. Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for telling me when I have screwed up. Thank you for listening when I have needed a friend. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for being an amazing Pap Pap to Arianna and Alex. And most of all, thank you for loving us as though we are yours.

I could not ask for a better man to be able to call my dad. I know that in the beginning I tested you and tried to push you away. I'm glad that you stayed!

You were hard on me. I thought it was because you didn't care about me. Man, how wrong I was. You knew I was capable of more and wanted me to do better. You weren't doing it to be mean. You did it because you love me.

There is one day, one life altering decision that I made that truly let me know without any doubt that you loved, cared, and considered me as your daughter.

The date? March 10, 2004

Why that day? That is the day I decided to attempt to kill myself. I had taken a handful of pills, not knowing nor caring about what would happen. I had thought I'd be passed out by the time the bus came. Oh how horribly horribly wrong I was.

The bus was on time. I went to school, pretending I was okay. The last thing I remember is going to fifth period. Then I was in an ambulance fighting a cop. Next time I woke up I was fighting the doctors and nurses. I had no idea what was going on. I was so terrified. I could hear mom's voice and how hurt and disappointed she was. I remember thinking "Where's Jimmy?" I knew if I disappointed mom then I disappointed you as well. Knowing that I had disappointed you both, even though I truly didn't know why at the time, made me want to die more.

When I woke up in ICU, my arms strapped to the bed (because I kept hitting doctors and nurses and bit one) I realized none of it was a dream.

When mom came in without you, I was scared you hated me. When mom said you wanted to come to the room, I was so happy. I remember saying "Yes, of course." I had expected you to be there. When I saw the sadness and relief on your face, I knew without a doubt that I was your daughter. I really wish I could have been a better daughter than I had been.

You have always done whatever you could to help me, if I needed it. You love my children and are an amazing Pap Pap. You always do what you can to make the kids happy. Christmas lights for Alex, Ari staying the night. Watching the kids when I need a break from everything.

You always support me in my decisions, both the good/smart ones and the bad/stupid ones. You're there to celebrate the happy times. You're there to catch me when I screw everything up. No matter how many times I have done stupid things or made those horrible decisions you always believe in me.

I can't wait to continue making more family memories with you. I can't wait until you walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. You really are a blessing to our family.

A Second Dad

Even though you're not my biological father

I know that you will be there

With the little things you do

You let me know you care.

You're always there to help

Whatever the need may be

You've given of yourself.....

And so unselfishly

Now you are becoming the dad

That I've never known

I'm drawn to you more everyday

For the kindness you have shown

I just want to thank you

And let you know I care

A second dad as great as you

Is something very rare.