A Journey Through Motherhood

Where oh where to begin?! You hear everyone tell you that the day your child is born they will not hand you a manual. People tell you how you truly understand love the day your baby is born, or the fun and exciting things your child will do through their many stages. People often joke about how your child will be just like you but tenfold. However, they do not divulge the ugly side.

What is the ugly side of motherhood? Well, in short, the ugly side of motherhood is poop stained shirts, a sleeve that turns into a tissue, going days without a shower; finding yourself standing in the aisle at the store staring at diapers with dirty clothes, dark circles under your eyes, no makeup and messy hair. Sleepless nights and tears of joy and frustration; losing your identity and the fear of the unknown.

My motherhood journey started five years ago. To be honest... I never wanted children. My biggest fear was that I couldn't give them what they needed and would eventually fail or mess them up. But I can say with all certainty I wouldn't change it for the world. The moment I saw my daughters heartbeat on Valentines day of 2012, I knew I was meant to do so much and that this was going to be an adventure of a lifetime. And it truly has been.

I've been a stay at home mom for almost 2 years now, but I remember the hustle of working a full time job and raising a child. So kudos to you mothers out there still getting both jobs done! It's tough. However, being a mother that has done the full time job and the parenting, and, for a short while, the single parenting, I've realized that staying at home is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Those out there with two or more children can understand this; it's almost impossible to take the kids out or make friends and go on play dates. For me, it doesn't happen often; my beautiful middle daughter was recently diagnosed with a developmental delay, and we are continuing through with tests to determine what exactly it is. So, to say the least, we don't go out much.

But, for those moms like me, who don't have many friends, or any friends at all; I understand. Most days you try your hardest to keep the house cleaned, take your kids to appointments or practices, even school while trying to maintain that "fun" time with your child throughout the day. You spend 95% of your day running around trying to accomplish everything that needs to be done, and by the time you put your babies to bed you see yet another mess that needs to be cleaned, preparing for the next day's beautiful chaos, or laundry that needs to be folded. You stop to think, did I get anything done today? Did I have any "me" time? And soon you feel the walls closing in on you. You spend all day telling your children to be nice to each other, or to stop picking their noses, or praying you get a tantrum-free day. And you know without a doubt you will have a rough night ahead of you; whether its that tiny new human waking up every hour or your 5-year-old daughter who had a nightmare, wishing and praying you could get a solid 8 hours of sleep instead of your days running together. It seems that you never truly get a break, that you never speak to other adults, that you spend all your time speaking "baby talk" or singing to their favorite cartoons, so the moment you speak to an adult, you almost forget how to speak like one. Some days it gets lonely and overwhelming. Some moments you're going to feel like you just can't do any more, that you just weren't cut out to be a parent... but I promise, you're not alone.

As your days continue, hectic and exhausting, you hear people tell you that it doesn't last forever and that you'll miss it when it's gone... Let's be serious. Who's going to miss the tantrums and arguments??!! Not me! But let's not forget those moments throughout the days when your little comes to you with their arms wide open and wraps them tightly around your neck, or those moments when you're feeling defeated and exhausted, and your little one tells you that your the best mommy in the world and that they love you... Those moments I will miss...

In complete seriousness, you're not alone, Mommy, and those ugly days will be behind you one day... and you will look back and realize how beautifully ugly they were. Keep pushing, and know that you will overcome these obstacles and these tired nights, and most importantly you will have raised a beautiful and intelligent child.