A Father's Fear

As a single co-parenting father of a 3-year-old boy I wrestle with many things in this world that worry me greatly.

Societal pressures are all consuming and the pressure to perform, provide and "suck it up" are piled on the heap we call masculinity and manhood daily.

While our female counterparts war cry can be heard worldwide, misandry is an often silent practice that every male child and adult who is not privileged will be subject to.

This fuels a meat grinder effect. Causing self destructive male stereotypes and behavior to continue. Which then creates a vacuum of expectations that are not real or individualized.

No person is the same and as his father I have a list of things that worry me concerning my son.

I fear for my son because little boys who are targeted and molested by female predators are swept under the rug. They’re assumed to be naturally sexual and therefore are not as damaged when their exploiter is of the opposite gender.

Having his pain, confusion and sexual abuse reduced to a cruel joke about how ‘Lucky’ he was because his abuser was attractive.

I fear that him pulling away from that administrator, teacher or coach who takes the liberty of touching his shoulder or his head or arm without permission (barring breaking up a fight or preventing imminent danger) as an aggressive gesture.

Not seeing that maybe their touching him as a sign of reassurance is creepy or highly uncomfortable to him and that just because he plays a sport with contact does not give them liberty to touch his body.

I fear he may encounter someone that will wrongfully accuse him of something he did not do and justice will not be served.

I fear that as a larger, stronger child than the average 3-year-old he will be put upon with expectations beyond his development by others.

I fear his kindness will be taken for weakness and he will end up someone’s fool.

I fear he will accept less than adequate love and sacrifice his needs in a relationship that doesn’t help him grow as a person but does the opposite.

I fear that he will not learn to express himself in a healthy way and that his repressed emotions will cause him to self destruct and/or hurt others.

I fear that his mother and I may not adequately inform and equip him for the psychological games some young lady may play with him when he begins dating.

May he never buy into the lie that his DNA is useless in the creation of life or he is lesser because he is male.

May he know he is more than muscles and physical power.

May he know I love him with all my being and that his mind and body both need to be strong and that his emotions are of great importance.

May he learn that what he needs cannot be provided by someone else and that true strength and power are not simple things to treat lightly.

May he know that his hurt is not less than another persons and sharing it openly and verbally will free him to fix what he feels is broken.

Silent prayers I say for him daily and provide him with all the good I can muster.

He’s going to have a wonderful life and needs every ounce of energy he can spare.