We could be in the 21st century and still single mums (I'm British if you find how I spell mum weird, get used it ha!) get a lot of flak. First, the media is our sown enemy, with no positive single mum representations. The descriptions of single mums are always the same; over worked, under-appreciated and unloved. While, ALL mothers whether happily married, living with a partner or single have felt some if not all these at some point in motherhood.
So, if you know a single mum, or if you ever meet one; here are five things to NEVER say to a single mum:
- "Wow! You are so brave to do it all alone." One word and I want you to say it loudly so the people at the back can hear you...PATRONISING. What I do with my children (yes, I have more than one child) is what every parent on this earth must do. It is our obligation to take of the life (or in my case lives) I chose to have. Your approval doesn't make me a better parent, and I simply do not need it. I will continue to take care of my children with or without your accolade.
- "So what happened between you and the dad?" If you are not my parents or my best friend; it is simply none of your business. Usually when a relationship breaks down after children, the last thing you want to do is to revisit why your relationship ended. Single mums just want to bury everything about the person, from feelings to material connections. We simply do not like the idea of reopening old wounds and especially with someone that might end up judging me even more.
- "Oh! So, you are a 'CHRISTIAN' and single mum?" Yes, we exist. Really can not get into this one. I guess my last point answered it so perfectly.
- "It must get lonely?" Nope, I love my own company anyways. After-all I take care of myself a lot better than if I was with some guy who under appreciates me on the constant. At least I trust me......
- So I basically left the best one last, which is...."You must be a whore."
Both my children (that's two) are from one man, had my first child one month before my 30th birthday. Their father is the first man to get me pregnant and we were in a four and half year very monogamous relationship.
Just a P.S.A from a single mum, we leave in a society that puts so much judgement on theirs. How women should be behaving, if she’s had a lot of sexual partners she’s deemed a whore. If I was man, I guess I would have written this piece entirely being appreciative from the “aww” stares and remarks. As if being a MALE sole parent is adorable or cute; while a female sole parent is viewed as a wrench or damaged goods. I guess I wrote this piece as a message to the world to read the book first before judging the cover. It’s hard enough explaining to your children “where’s daddy?” or heart breaking when you hear your children say things like “I don’t have a daddy,” knowing too well that that her daddy chose to leave.
So, I employ you to please be mindful of your words around single mums and remember the five things to NEVER say to a single mum. Next time you are seated next to a single mum on public transportation; and are itching to ask one of these questions? Remember this post.
As always,
Love & Light
Barbara
About the Creator
Barbie Wambui
I write when I need head space, I write as therapy, I write coz I have very few friends and coz I hate gossip. So I rather write to cleanse my spirit.
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The sanctuary of dream
Once upon a time, in a small village nestled among rolling hills, there lived a young boy named Lucas. Lucas was an adventurous soul, with a heart as big as the sky above. But Lucas was different from the other children in the village. He was born with a condition that confined him to a wheelchair, unable to run and play like the others.Despite his physical limitations, Lucas found solace in his vivid imagination. He spent hours reading books and dreaming of faraway lands where anything was possible. His favorite book was "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas," a haunting tale of friendship and tragedy set against the backdrop of World War II.One day, as Lucas gazed out his window, he noticed a new family moving into the abandoned house across the street. Among them was a girl about his age, with eyes as blue as the summer sky. Her name was Sara, and she had a warmth about her that drew Lucas in like a moth to a flame.From that day on, Lucas and Sara became inseparable. Despite their differences, they shared a bond that transcended words. They would spend hours together, lost in their own little world of make-believe, where Lucas could walk and run alongside Sara without a care in the world.But as the years passed, the shadows of war began to creep into their idyllic village. Rumors spread like wildfire of soldiers marching through the countryside, and families disappearing in the dead of night. Lucas couldn't ignore the fear that gnawed at his insides, like a beast lurking in the shadows.One fateful day, the village was overrun by soldiers, their boots echoing off the cobblestone streets like thunder. Panic swept through the villagers like a tidal wave, as families were torn apart and homes ransacked. Lucas clung to Sara, his heart pounding in his chest like a drum.In the chaos, Lucas and Sara were separated from their families, forced to flee into the surrounding forest to escape the clutches of the soldiers. For days they wandered through the dense undergrowth, hunger gnawing at their stomachs and exhaustion weighing down their limbs.But just when all hope seemed lost, they stumbled upon a hidden clearing deep in the heart of the forest. There, beneath the canopy of ancient trees, they found refuge in the form of an old abandoned cottage. It was small and run down, but to Lucas and Sara, it was a sanctuary from the horrors of the outside world.As they huddled together by the crackling fire, Lucas pulled out his tattered copy of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas and began to read aloud to Sara. With each word, their fears melted away, replaced by a sense of hope and resilience that burned brighter than any flame.In that moment, as they clung to each other in the darkness, Lucas realized that no matter what trials they faced, as long as they had each other, they would always find a way to endure. And so, with the echoes of war still ringing in their ears, they vowed to never let go of the light that guided them through the darkest of times.For in the heart of a young boy confined to a wheelchair, and a girl with eyes as blue as the summer sky, lay the true meaning of courage and love. And though their journey was far from over, they knew that as long as they held onto each other, they would always be stronger together than thI ey ever were apart...I yortnsiknroswyrea
By Eric anexis about 5 hours ago in Families
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