Families logo

30 Things I Know Right Now

When raising kids, our mind can feel like Jell-O 99.9% of the time, but when it comes down you to it, there are many things we for sure (or at least think we do) right now.

By Lindsie PolhemusPublished 6 years ago 13 min read
Like

That title is a little deceiving, because if I'm going to be honest with myself (and all of you), I know little to nothing about raising children. I've been doing it for only 2+ years. They're eight and three and I'm their guardian. While sometimes I blame this lack of "perfection" on not having a natural motherly instinct from being prego, and getting swollen feet, irrational cravings and feeling kicks and tumbles from that alien inside me... after being around the sun twice with these little gremlins (I mean angels), there are a few things I feel as though I have come to perfect.

Bribery is (sometimes) best.

Kit-Kats. Shopkins. iPad time. Reese's. Extra unhealthy snacks. You name it, I've used it as bribery. I've used many tactics to get what I want/need from these small humans. Whether it be bribing them to stay in their own bed, eat all their dinner, smile for a picture. You name it. #DontJudgeMe You don't know me.

Since they never use the Rainbow Loom they swear they needed, use them as hair ties.

You know that craft kit that was all the rage and everyone NEEDED or life as their 6 year old selves would end in a pit of horror, cries, screams, and the too-scary-to-be-true reality of "but Shannon, Lauren, Danielle, Julie, Heather, and [insert every other 6 year old in the world here] has it and I don't..?" Yeah.. me too.

And do you now face the same reality as I do?! That the Rainbow Loom is now a tossed to the side toy... should be added to The Land of Misfit Toys remake (ugh that was a favorite of mine as a kid!) and has been collecting dust?!

Well fear not, because rather than spending $4.34 on brand name hair ties that they lose EVERY. OTHER. DAY. you can do your girl's hair using some of those (sacred) Rainbow Loom elastics. Ahhh a second chance at life.

You will survive that tantrum.

Whether it's in the grocery store at the checkout line because they can't add a fifth bag of candy to the cart, at the playground because they can't throw the woodchips at the kid in the yellow shirt, in the restaurant with your S.O. because you couldn't find a sitter and you figured, "How bad could it be?!" (I know it can be that bad) because they don't like the fork or knife or spoon or napkin or cup they have, or even just in the living room at bed time because your toddler hasn't watched enough TV and life as a toddler can be so hard...

You will survive.

A hug is the best medicine.

Sometimes, my little will call, scream, cry, demand, threaten (JK, kinda), condemn me back into her room after I've read her a story, shown her ALL the pictures, answered all her questions, tucked her and all her animals in, found the lost puppy from her toy box, reassured her the color of her room is beautiful, told her it's not "tomorrow" yet and she needs to go to sleep, retucked in all of her animals, changed her Pull-Up, put her back into bed because she's fallen out of her toddler bed (HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!??!), gotten her more milk, and listened her to tell me I've "hurt her feelings" because she can't watch TV in my room.

I walk in, exhausted from life and the sheer thought of what else she could POSSIBLY want from my life. And she asks me for a hug. A HUG GUYS. And I melt and all those 45983745983475 (I'm not exaggerating) things she asked me for today up to this point evaporate. Because all this little blonde haired toddler wants... is a hug.

We could all learn from that. Me especially.

A little wine goes a long way.

Any day that ends in "y" can be Wine Wednesday if the day was stressful enough.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Let your S.O. take over when you know you've had enough. And if they're not picking up on your (eventual, impending, any-second-now) breakdown, ask for help. Ask, and they shall deliver. (Or else).

Allowing some tech time doesn't make you a bad parent.

Even if they spend like 15 hours on an iPad on a Saturday. Kidding. Or am I?! When there's laundry, dishes, cleaning, sitting, (napping LOL), yard work, etc. to be done, propping them in front of an iPad or TV can seem like a cop out. But given the right material, they can learn while you essentially check in to make sure their faces haven't melted off from all the videos they've watched on YouTube Kids.

Like I said, you will survive those tantrums.

Just breathe.

Preparation can equal (near, but really not even close) perfection.

Whether it's trying to get Halloween costumes as early as possible, then come Halloween no one likes their costume anymore. Or packing lunch the night before but then there's a total meltdown about the juicebox you packed. It can be letting them pick out their clothes the night before (which you approve) but the next morning results in a series a wardrobe crises (yes, at the ages of 3 and 8). Or it could be that in the morning your alarm didn't go off on time and you're super sleepy from binge watching the last 3 episodes of This Is Us and the coffee isn't made yet and WHERE THE HECK ARE YOUR CLEAN UNDERWEAR?!

It's a huge A for effort on that front. Go you!!

The joy of them running into your arms after a day apart tops everything else in life.

I mean this one. Except for a glass of wine... that's also a great feeling. And a long uninterrupted shower where you shave your legs 8 times... just because you have the time. It also ties very closely to a night when you didn't wake up thinking you heard kids crying at 2 AM and you could go right back to sleep without thinking about if lunches were packed and clothes were picked out and if they're being kind as school.

I swear, I mean this one.

Toddlers have a mind of their own.

Literally. Whether it's clothes, decisions, opinions, reasons, feelings... Three year olds are like grown humans in the way they interact, but like WAY more unstable than you and I. At least that's what I tell myself.

I'm stable, dang it!!!

No one listens.

EVER. The dog. The sitter. The kids. Your S.O. Yourself... wait did I just call myself out?! Yes, I did. Because whether it's me saying "I will be more lenient today" or "I will be more strict today" or "I'm gonna sleep in today" or "I'm gonna try really hard to NOT be on the verge of a meltdown today," no one listens, so don't be so hard on the rest of them when you're guilty yourself.

Wiping butts does get old.

You never miss it. Don't let someone tell you otherwise.

It's okay to cry.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." No. You can definitely cry before, during, and after, and the after as many times as you want when something happens. Or when nothing happens.

Whether it's Tuesday, Halloween, the 3rd Thursday of the year, a quarter moon or because you're tired or cranky or hungry or stressed or happy or surprised or empty.

You can just cry.

It's okay to bring your kids places.

Whether it's a winery, a Saturday afternoon BBQ, or a dinner for your newly engaged friends (don't stress that you're not engaged yet.............) as long as they're cool with it, bring those little stinkers along. Your friends will likely (AKA hopefully) enjoy their company and kids are a lot of fun so your friends and family will have fun taking over for you for a bit, giving you some time to sit and just chill.

You will survive the sickness.

Strep throat (for what feels like the 39485th time this year). The stomach bug. Coxsackie. The incessant cough from allergies.

You will survive. Hey Hey!

Tickling your kids is a huge stress reliever.

Until they start crying because the nails you haven't had 2 weeks to clip just scratched them.. and now they need Band-Aids... MANY of them... and they can't sleep... and need Neosporin... and kisses... and to sleep in bed with you in order to make them feel better... but no one feels better because the queen sized bed has suddenly been overtaken by your 3 year old and your S.O. and you're sleeping (NOTTTT) in a section of that bed that is met with the oversized arm of your man and the small icicle feet of a toddler (why won't they wear socks?!?!?!?!?!??!) and you're too scared to move cause it either of them wake it means sudden danger.

Yeah, that tickling, it was fun, for like, a sec.

It takes a village.

And by village I mean pretty much everyone you know that you call a village to make yourself feel better that this who "raising small humans in a big world" thing is harder than you thought.

Your house will never look kid-free again.

From a lost sock to a sippy cup under the couch and a stuffed animal between the couch cushions, having kid roommates means your home will look like a carnival funhouse where you sometimes get to have a good night's sleep.

You will survive the tantrums.

Since the bribery didn't work, think about the times they called you in for a hug. That's not working either?? Uh... Get the wine... oh it's 9 AM on a Saturday.... uhhhhhhh...

Just stay positive. You got this.

Dinner doesn't have to be a five course feast.

They won't eat it anyway. And your S.O. is working late. Who are you cooking for?! The dog?!

While taking pride in the ability to provide a healthy, hearty, home-cooked meal is nothing to shy away from, don't relish in the fact that on Tues/Wed/Thurs you had a busy few days and the kids ate Easy Mac, Spaghettio's and breakfast for dinner! They probably liked it more than the chicken and rice and broccoli last week anyway.

Ugh, their immature tastebuds...

It's okay if your kid always goes to the friend's house.

Maybe they foster a different play environment. Maybe the just want the fricken kid outta their hair for a little bit too. Maybe the other kid doesn't have a 3 year old sister that will harass them til Kingdom come when they're just trying to play with their age-appropriate friend.

Always leave the door and invite open to that family when making plans, but if they make the first move in terms of play date location, HOP UP ON DAT!

Kisses heal so many things.

Keep this logic going as long as you can. Imagine if kisses could heal broken hearts, hurtful rumors, and the everyday clumsiness of bumping your head.

Take this logic into your relationships. This can heal more than just a cry-for-attention injury from a toddler. A kiss from your S.O. hello, goodbye, or just because can reassure you of 713837 things all at once.

Communication is key.

BUT HOW?! How am I supposed to communicate with this small human who is crying/screaming/writhing because her shoe feels weird? Or her teeth have to be brushed? Or she can't wear the summer tank top with shorts in the middle of winter?!

Well OTHER articles tell me to bring it down to the simplest level and ask them WHY they're upset.

Easier said than done, but I'll try it out.

This extends to your S.O. and "village" as well. Be sure to communicate to your partner what you need/want/can't-live-without in terms of help, partnership, etc when it comes to raising small demons. (JK, kinda).

While communicating with the kids helps you, communicating with your partner, friends, and family effectively shows them how to lead by example and they'll eventually stop crying and screaming when they want something and use their words.

Here's to hopeful wishing.

Raising kids can be isolating.

I often call it the Island of Isolation. Parenting, biologically or not, I think, resembles much of the feelings I have on this topic. As friends, and even family, reach different stages in life, I'm sure this happens, but for myself and my boyfriend, it seemed to happen much differently.

It's an isolating feeling to know your friends are still out for Wine Wednesday but you have to head home because you have her MUST-HAVE-TO-GO-TO-SLEEP-BLANKEY in your backseat from preschool drop-off this morning.

And it's an isolating feeling when you have to ask your parents to watch your kids because of Back to School Night and you figure the next time you'll see them is the next holiday, between the hellos and good byes/thank yous.

It's isolating to see your friend(s) on out a Friday/Saturday... fricken Tuesday... night because they can. And that's literally the only reason they're out. Because THEY CAN.

And it's so isolating when traditional gender roles fall on you... because you're a woman... and your S.O. goes for overnight trips to here and there with friends because it's a known fact I can handle it. (I mean, look at all the other things I know. I'm basically a guru now.)

But it can be liberating.

There's something freeing about knowing how your Friday nights will be spent (even if it's with a tantrum or or about who knows what!). It's nice to know we will be making memories together; from movie nights to bowling to hosting sleepovers.

Being able to say "No, sorry I can't" because we have to decorate a tree or sing Happy Birthday or "the Fab4 have plans" is rewarding and sometimes (but not all the time) erases that isolating feeling I have lingering over my head more often than not.

It's important not to forget about those times that you rock their world just by existing.

And you know the feeling is mutual.

It's okay if you're way behind on all your favorite shows.

Maybe the kids DVRed Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol and have recently ruled the TV. Or you're trying to decorate your brand new home to make it really feel like "home." Maybe you're spending the time with your partner doing nothing but kissing and enjoying sweet pillow talk. You're most likely trying to allocate resources, time, and money for the kid who won't stop crying and the other who wants to play soccer, do cheerleading and take piano lessons, as well as ballet, tap and acro. (W.T.F?!)

Often times, the minutes (hours if you're lucky), result in you and your partner discussing parenting tactics, protocols, processes, tips, tricks, and the like.

Having to binge watch This Is Us or American Horror Story allows (forces) you the time to talk about more pressing issues when really you just want to find out how the heck Jack dies!!!! And while they may not seem super urgent or super fun to discuss, part of raising children is all of the hairy business that comes along with it.

It's not that bad.

I bitch, moan, complain, cry, curse, throw tantrums (inspired by my three year old) when it comes to dealing with stress.

Remember those hugs late at night? The feeling you get when you pick then up from school and they run into your arms, the tickle-induced belly laughs that fill the room before you basically scar them for life with your unmanicured nails?? That feeling of knowing how this Friday night you'll be snuggled up on a couch watching the same "favorite" movie for the 9485348957th time because it's their '"favorite."

Love is all you need.

Love from your S.O. Love from your kids. Your family. Your friends. Your community. Your self. OMG. You need love FOR and FROM yourself.

parents
Like

About the Creator

Lindsie Polhemus

Lover of dogs, wine, and buffalo chicken. Laughing through this thing called life.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.