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30 Journal Entries to Self Discovery - Day 9

Who are top go-to friends/family?

Happy day nine everyone! I'm honestly loving this journal for more than just the writing. I really love that people are actually following along. I really liked hearing about other people's favorite books. It made my day. I can't wait to see how else this journal connects me with everyone! Quote of the day: "When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen." - Jack Kerouac

DAY NINE: WHO ARE YOUR TOP GO-TO FRIENDS/FAMILY?

I've touched on this a little in other answers, but there are a handful of people that I turn to in a time of need. Having my daughter has really made me see who my real friends and family are. Honestly, all of the people that I'm about to mention, I don't even consider friends anymore. They're all family to me. 

The first people I usually turn to, of course, are my parents. My dad and my step-mom have been more helpful since I've had my daughter (and before) than... than anything. I'll never be able to repay them with how much they help me. My step-mom, who for A. the sake of my writing time and B. the fact that I call her mom, I'm just going to call her mom. My mom watched my daughter for basically the first year of her life, while I was at work. They help me by not only watching her but helping me manage my time. They help me stay motivated, they give me advice in almost every aspect of my life, and they are basically my best friends. They've even helped me out financially when I needed it. They help remind me to relax a little bit too. I know it's cliche to say your parents are your best friends but I know I can trust them. I don't feel the need to hide things from them and it astonishes me how much I see people pull away from their parents. I'm so lucky I have them. When they go to their house in Florida, they make sure I have enough groceries and call me (probably too often) to check in to make sure my daughter and I have everything we need. I know that it may seem like their treating me like a child by doing this, but I couldn't be more thankful that they do. Maybe I don't need it. But it really helps me not feel so alone. 

We don't always agree, we argue a lot about things, especially when it comes to my daughter, we don't exactly see eye to eye. But I know, no matter how much we argue, I'll have them as people I can turn to. Even in the worst of fights, they are always there checking in on me. Even when they tell me they can't help me and I need to figure it out myself, I usually do, but I know they're around the corner, watching, making sure I get whatever I need to get done, done. They are the worst spies. Like ever. Neither of them should ever become a spy because they are terrible at it. But I'm so glad that they "spy" on me if you can even call it that. I can always turn to them. They are definitely some of my go-to people and they always will be. I hope I am for them too. 

The next people I turn to, are my "adopted" family. I've known them for... since I was in about sixth grade? Too long to remember exactly, but they are definitely part of my go-to people. They've stuck by side through so much. Honestly, they've stuck by my side through a lot of shit, and placed themselves in my lives and refused to move. I know I can rely on them and I hope they know they can rely on me. They've been some of the best family and I'm not even actually related to any of them. My "sister" Katy has been the best aunt to my daughter and I don't know how I'll ever repay her for that. Since I announced I was pregnant she attached herself to my daughter and I'm so glad she did. We've become even closer than we were since I got pregnant and I love her for it. Her and another part of our family, Maddie, have woken up at the ass crack of dawn to make sure I get to work when I didn't have a license. We have a group chat where we basically just bitch to each other but it's so helpful in the oddest way. 

My other "sister" Sara, is in my phone as "little sister." Even though she probably acts more grown up than the rest of us. She just became a nurse and I couldn't be more proud. I mostly turn to her when I have a medical question or I've injured myself.. again. We haven't gotten to see each other a whole lot the last couple years, but when we are together, it's like we've never missed a beat. She's kind of been my down to Earth advice giver over the years. I've tried to return the favor and I hope I've succeeded. When she was in junior high, I remember my dad looking at me my first day of eighth grade and telling me to look out for her. I think I embarrassed her more than anything, but we always have fun and I like to think that between her personality and mine we have fun and get shit done together. I know that no matter how long it's been, I can text her. 

I love that my daughter gets excited when I announce that we're going to "grandma Mary's" for dinner. Her and her daughter, my other "sister," Grace, has given me a place to live when I felt like I didn't have anywhere to go. They opened their home so much that it feels like a second home. I can stop by almost anytime she's home and Mary pauses what she's doing to talk to me and those talks mean more than I can explain. Grace has been busy with college and has sacrificed her free time to watch my daughter. She's also been an amazing listening ear and over our dinner talks has probably listened to more of my problems than I should ever talk about. But she has this fierce attitude that whenever I'm complaining about something, she's listening and backing me up, justifying whatever stupid thing I'm complaining about that day. I know it's not the biggest thing in the world, but it honestly makes me feel like I'm not facing my problems alone, even if she's going back to college the next day. And she always remembers our conversations. She's so good at picking up a conversation we had two weeks ago and asking me how something turned out. It may not seem huge, but it really makes me feel like my problems matter. 

They aren't the only ones in this family that I turn to though. "Grandpa Jeff" helped teach my daughter a lovely verse of "Hey-ho" which she now sings every time we get in the car and someone says hey. He's also been there for me a lot, mostly with advice. He's been a positive male figure in my daughter's life. He helped me when I needed a place for my dog. He's even been a shoulder to cry on. 

My other go-to, is my daughter's godfather, Mike. He's been more than a best friend. He stood by my side when most of my 'friends' walked away. He has been my go-to for rides. He drove me back and forth from work for pretty much a year straight. But the thing that really sticks out is how much he's just been there to talk to. I know I can tell him anything. He's my go-to when I need to relax or just be silly. He's even been there when I need help with my daughter. His whole family has honestly stepped up to help me at times. I'm so thankful I met him and we became friends. He's my go-to, even if I know he can't help me with whatever it is, he tries to help me find someone that can help me. Mike has been more than a friend. He's looked out for me in ways that only family would and I try to do the same for him. He truly is my best friend.

I'm so lucky to have these people. I have more go-to people than most do. I'm so blessed and I can't even begin to explain how much just being loved by these people has helped me. I'm even more blessed with how much they love my daughter. I don't know that I'll ever be able to repay this beautiful "family" that I've created over the years. But I'm sure as hell going to try. I try to be there for them as much as I can. I don't know where I would be without each one of them. If I had an emergency, these would be the first people that would know about it. Not necessarily because they would be able to help, but because I would want them there, just standing next to me. These are my go-to people. This is my family. I can only hope that I'm so lucky as to be on their list of go-to people. 

My thoughts: I think this is a great question. It's a question that makes you think about who in your life you would turn to in an emergency and why. The idea that everyone has a go-to list of people is very realistic but maybe you haven't been put in a situation to ever use that list. It brings out who you can rely on the most and what they really mean to you. It's a great question for self-discovery. 

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30 Journal Entries to Self Discovery - Day 9
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