18 and Pregnant

One thing is for sure, this was not how I expected my life to turn out. I thought my future held college, medical school, residencies, with marriage somewhere in between and babies in the distant future, once things have settled. How was I supposed to know that I would drop out of college after the first semester, be stuck paying back thousands of dollars with a barely above minimum wage job, and, to top it off, pregnant?

In high school, I was an AP student. I loved science, math, writing, and literature. Every teacher and advisor told me that I was college bound since freshman year. And I believed them. So the pressure was on to find a major that would measure up to my potential (meaning that if I didn't aim high enough, I would be a disappointment) in order to determine what I would be doing for the rest of my life before I was even a legal adult. So I pondered and decided to be a dermatologist. I thought it was what I wanted; four years of pre-med, then four more years of medical school (if I got accepted), and then at least four more years of residencies (if I was good enough). I had my high school grades, my friends and family, and my boyfriend by my side to convince me that my plan was going to work. But oh baby, was I wrong.

Once a high school graduate, and summer had passed, I moved into my freshman dorm and looked forward to my first day of classes. My major was Pre-med Biology, so science classes filled up most of my schedule, and homework from those classes filled up most of my time. The first few weeks, I was so motivated and excited to learn everything I could. I studied every day, turned in all my homework on time, and paid attention in all my lectures. I was on a learning high. But after all the review material we were supposed to learn in high school was over and all the new material came flooding in, I started to have a mental shutdown. At first, I did my best to keep up. I stayed up later and later each night, and stressing was a daily routine. I survived on coffee, instant meals, and the hope that things would get better. I knew this was how college was going into it. I was not oblivious to the fact that college is a whole different ball game. I thought I could handle it. But I was wrong. I couldn't keep up with the new material, and my test scores showed it. I used different studying techniques when my old ones didn't work; flashcards, study groups, after class study sessions, even searching the web for videos relevant to the subject. Nothing helped.

Once the first semester came to a close, I decided to stop kidding myself. After a late night, tear-filled call with my mother, I decided to drop out. I crossed all the T's and dotted all the I's, and I was officially a college drop out with thousands of dollars in debt. With college no longer a concern, my main focuses shifted to working and my boyfriend.

Around the beginning of December, I started to notice differences in my body. My period was MIA, I was more tired than usual, and my boobs became so swollen and sore. I had the suspicion, but I didn't want to believe it. I was 18, working at $8 an hour, and in debt. My boyfriend was in between jobs at the time, so my income was our only one. I guess one could say our situation wasn't exactly ideal. I put it off time and time again, but I had to know. I bought a pregnancy test, and those little two lines changed my life forever.

Part 2 of my story will come soon!