True Heartbreak

Everyone believes that they know what true love is, and that they've been through heartbreak before. I myself thought that before I had my first child. I'll start my story from the beginning and leave out no details. January 21, 2016 was beyond the best day of my life, I got to meet my son Kolton that morning. He was perfect weighed 6 pounds 12 ounces, was 19.5 inches long. He was beautiful; the moment they laid him on my chest was the moment I realized that true love does exist. That was the moment I realized life was no longer about me, and that it was all about this little human being I was holding in my arms. I knew then I had someone that would unconditionally love me, and I had someone that I could unconditionally love for the rest of my life. Those moments were perfect, he was perfect, and I was perfectly happy. I decided to go back to work the month of February 2017 when he was a month old. Everyone in the house either worked or was in school, his father was in prison at the time so I was trying my best to do what I needed to.

My sister had a life long friend that I also knew; we'll call her "Kacey." Kacey had a boyfriend who we'll call "Adam." Kacey and Adam came up with a plan that they would watch Kolton for me she worked mostly days when she did work, and I was working midnights so the plan was perfect, I thought. Everything was going great. I was able to work while having a "trustworthy" baby sitter that I personally knew for a long time. One morning May 23, 2017, I had gotten off work at 5 Am. I came home as usual, ate, and changed my work clothes. I sat on my phone scrolling through Facebook liking posts and posting things myself, then I got a call at 5:30 AM. It was from "Kacey." She informed me "Kolton was acting weird, he was shaking, breathing funny, and would not eat." I had asked her if she kept the air conditioning on all night and she explained that she did. I wasn't worried at this point, I figured maybe he'd just gotten a cold from the air. I told her to bring him home to me and that if something was wrong I'd take him to the hospital. I sat there and waited for them. 6:15 AM came and they knocked on the door. "Kacey" and "Adam" brought Kolton in and set his car seat down on the floor. She was crying and was explaining over and over that she didn't know what was wrong with him and that she felt bad. Before leaving, she told me if I needed a ride to the hospital that she could take me, but it wouldn't be until in the afternoon. They left.

I sat there for 15 minutes on Facebook just thinking he wasn't feeling well and that I'd let him sleep. I set my phone down and walked over to his car seat, pulling it closer to the couch. I unbundled him and picked him up. This was the moment I realized something was terribly wrong with Kolton. He was 4 months old and head immediately fell backwards like a ragdoll's would. He started screaming. I hurried and laid him on the couch. I waited for another 10 minutes for his grandmother to get home I showed her what was wrong and she rushed us to the ER. I sat there for hours with him. They did CAT scans, x-rays, checked his blood everything. I knew something was very wrong because they were not telling me anything. I sat there until the Doctor came in and informed me they were sending him to another hospital. I knew it was terrible, what was wrong with him, when they told me I wasn't permitted to ride in the ambulance with him.

So there I sat another hour by myself waiting for his great grandmother to take me to the other hospital. As we were on our way there, I got a phone call from a neurosurgeon, she stated "you need to get here as soon as possible to discuss emergency brain surgery." I rushed into that hospital and got told that if I didn't go through with the surgery my son would be dead within 3 hours. Of course I went through with it. But what I still didn't know was what was killing me. I didn't fully know what was wrong with him and I didn't know what had happened to him. And then I was approached by a neurologist. And what she told me is what broke my heart. He had blood on his brain, multiple brain bleeds, 2 fractures to his skull, blood hemorrhaging behind both eyes, shaken baby syndrome, blindness in his right eye, broken femur, and multiple dead spots on his brain from lack of oxygen. That's when I felt true heartbreak.

It wasn't from some man that I loved or an ex lover. I broke my own heart because I trusted these people that I've known forever with the only other part of me. They hurt my baby and I didn't know why or what happened, I just know that it did. The cops were called, CPS got involved, and I was there first suspect. I knew I didn't hurt my baby but they didn't. I took a lie detector test talked to the cops, CPS, everything. 2 days after Kolton was in the ICU "Kacey" and "Adam" got an attorney. They declined to take a lie detector test. And about a week later they got married. In that state married people are not allowed to testify against their spouse. So I didn't have a case, I couldn't fight the people that hurt my son and give them what they so badly deserved. I was hurt and angry that they got away with it. I eventually signed my rights over for my son October 2017, I was pregnant with a girl due in December. It killed me to have to do it, but I wasn't going to be able to care for him the way he needed to be. That's what I wanted most I wanted him to be well taken care of. I couldn't offer him that. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I cry all the time going through his pictures. I'll never know why they hurt him or what they did. There's people out there that think I hurt my baby, people who hate me for it. I know in my heart that I did not hurt him, and god knows it. I'll never get over the hurt, I'll never get over knowing they got away with it. And till this day and forever I'll be heartbroken.