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The Sh*t They Don't Tell You: Lesson #2

Lessons about the trials, tribulations, and the downright disgusting parts of parenthood that they don't tell you about!

By Tiffany WadePublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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This woman must not have kids.

Death by Laundry

I was once a young, wild bachelorette, whose main purpose in life was partying, concerts and, due to the lack of rich relatives to inherit from, going to work, to earn more money for the partying and concerts. (Let's not kid ourselves, I paid rent once a month too.) (Much to my disdain.)

At that time in my life, I had a wardrobe of wonderful, cute clothing to fit my slender frame. Even with all of those blouses, and pants, and the occasional lingerie, I worried about laundry maybe twice a week.

Oh, how I miss those days.

Fast forward to four years, a husband, two children, and a bonus son later, and I kick myself in the ass for taking advantage of such simple times. Oh, how I long to have just one load of laundry to fold.

Lesson #2: Invest in a washer, a dryer, and a Costco card for bulk laundry soap. And be prepared for never ending laundry.

No joke, your laundry will double, triple, or even quadruple after you reproduce. DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY. I'm thoroughly convinced the coroner will attribute my death to heaping piles of laundry and the inability to fold it all. (This just in: Body of young mom found under one ton pile of laundry!)

Let me put this into perspective. My husband is a cook, whose dress code requires all black pants and shirts. Everything shows up on black. EVERYTHING. Especially on a man whose job description is to make messes and feed people. (But most importantly to feed me. It's why I married the man.) I have a threenager in the midst of potty training. (Along with bulk laundry soap, you might as well buy bulk panties. You're going to need them while potty training. And bulk puppy pads, come to think of it.) My threenager, Z, goes through 2 panties a day, on average, because accidents happen. And by accidents I mean she was too damn focused on PJ Masks to care about shitting her panties. (Hopefully that will come to an end soon. Hopefully very, very soon.) Unfortunately, as cool as "Big Girls" (the nickname we've come up with for her panties) are, they aren't water nor urine proof and soak through to her pants. So let's add 2 pairs of pants a day to my perpetual list of laundry. My bonus son, B, accrues just as much dirty clothing as the other two culprits, as he's discovering dirt, mud, and all other sorts of neat things! And finally, our S.C. Honestly guys, you'd be absolutely amazed at how much a four month old can contribute to your laundry. THE DROOL IS REAL, GUYS. And that's not even taking into consideration the barf. Or the dreaded blowouts. Or that one time my daughter poured juice all over him for shits and giggles. Oh, and I change clothes like once every three days. #MomLife Just kidding, it's more like everyday. But only if I'm lucky enough to shower. (Just wait for THAT lesson!)

Point being, all parents and parents to be, make an investment. A washer and dryer at the very least. Bulk laundry soap will be your best friend, and know that it's okay to wear the same shirt twice in a row. I mean, a clean one would only end up with baby shit, mashed up carrots, and three other unidentifiable messes on it anyways. And even with messy hands, disgusting faces, and diapers full of shit, remember to hug and squeeze your babies as often as possible. And then be sure to bathe them!

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About the Creator

Tiffany Wade

I'm just me. Tiffany. Mom of Z, B and SC.

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