The Breakout: How I Finally Conquered the Stigma of the Older-Sibling Shadow

We all know about middle child syndrome: the center of three or more children feeling invisible due to an overabundance of attention directed at both the oldest and the youngest. This is 100 percent real. I have witnessed it. However, what about the younger sibling? As one, I can say firsthand that the attention we receive as babies only lasts so long before relatives, teachers, or family friends begin the comparing.

My older sister and I are seven years apart, and although we do indeed look alike, we're polar opposites. We weren't always that way, though. My mom was very involved all of our lives and still is, so my sister and I did tons of activities. But, my sisters' age came to her advantage since I was just ultimately placed in whatever activities she had chosen first. As soon as I became able-bodied enough to showcase any talent or potential, I began feeling the pressure of what it was like to have perfection as a sibling. Even at eight years old, I could hear moms whispering about me as I walked into our dance studio.

"She doesn't really have a dancer's body like her sister."

"It's a shame that the older one got most of the talent."

It was soul-crushing. To be a kid who should have freedom and no pressures to conform and yet here I was, resenting my older sibling for being gifted at something. Dance was just one of the things that my sister was talented at where I struggled. Sure, sometimes it was nice when I automatically became a teachers' favorite, and I loved to brag that she was indeed my sister, but there were dark times, too.

For most of my eighteen years of life, I felt like I was using all my energy trying to be seen from underneath her shadow. But five things happened to me in the last few years that made it possible for me to step out and stand just as tall as her.

1. She moved away to college, and then eventually far away for grad school.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the only reason my life got better was because of my older sibling moving away. In fact, a lot of other aspects got a bit more difficult. However, her being away brought more attention to my accomplishments and I was able to realize my parents actually did pay a lot of attention to me—I just hadn't noticed because I was so caught up in my almost-obsession with her. Which brings me to number 2.

2. I stopped idolizing her.

Let me get one thing straight: I will never not look up to and be a little jealous of my sister. Anyone who knows her would be. However, I broke down the god-like pedestal I had placed her on. She's pretty and successful, but I had it in my head she had cured world hunger or something. I began to understand that there was nothing she could do that I couldn't. But I would have never stopping worshipping her without number 3.

3. I realized she made/makes mistakes.

With a seven-year age gap, my sister matured at a time when I was very young. Because of this, my parents sheltered me from many of the mistakes and wrongdoings that my sister did. From getting caught drinking to skipping class, there was an entire life I was naïve about when it came to my sister. When I found out that my sister was just a human? Who could believe it? All this time, I had been being compared and held to the standards of a regular person. Not this divinity who could do no wrong. In fact, my mistakes were good deeds compared to hers. Surely if she turned out so well, I wasn't doomed.

4. I quit. Everything.

OK, so not everything. But I did quit every activity I had joined because of her. It severed a lot of the ties between the two of us and our skill levels. I was able to join clubs and sports where people couldn't compare us. I was setting the bar for once, and only for myself. The only one I was competing with now was me. When I accomplished something in these endeavors, no one was there to bring up a relevant achievement of hers that could out-do mine. It was so unbelievably stress-relieving to not hear her name or about her triumphs for once.

5. I went to the same college as her.

This was the final step, and the most shocking. At first, I didn't even want to apply to the same school as her. But one thing happened after another, and I ended up three doors down the hall from her old dorm. I genuinely thought I was taking about a hundred steps back in my progress, but this just made my feelings stronger. Now that I'm here on my own, knowing I'm living in a much different way here, I finally feel as though I'm her equal. Even though once in a while, someone gasps when they realize who my sister is or goes out of their way to ask a million questions about her and not me, I'm accomplishing something, and that's all I ask for.

And that's how I was able to claw my way out from behind my sister's towering shadow. We now have an unspoken friendly competition to be the better sister, and I doubt that will ever change. But years ago, I wouldn't have even believed I could have competed with her. If someone were to ask me, though, I'd say I'm giving her a run for her money.