The Beginning

When we were kids, we couldn't wait to grow up. To turn 16 and get our license. To graduate school and go to college, or get a job and move out on our own. We believed when we were kids by the time we were an adult we would have it all figured out. We would know what we want and where we were going and if we were lucky to share it with someone. To have them share their life with us as we grow up together. Sometimes, we aren't so lucky, though.

When I was a kid my parents made sure I had the best childhood they could give me. They took good care of me, always made sure I was happy, healthy and did my homework. When I was eleven, my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. He battled it for a little while but his body slowly got weaker over time and unfortunately he lost his battle in October 2005. He was hardworking, a Christian, and would have given the shirt off his back to anyone in need. He was the man you wanted as your friend. The one you wanted to work next to and the one you went on snowmobiling adventures with. He loved being outdoors, building things in the garage, and taking evening drives to go get my mom and I candy from the gas station. He always took care of us and made sure we were happy.

Funny story, I asked my mom to marry my dad. How funny is that?! My dad and I were coming back from the store one night and he said to me, "I'm going to ask your mom to marry me, if that's okay with you?" And I said, "Yeah, sure Dad." He told me to keep it a secret and not tell her. Well, little me, not knowing what keeping a secret meant, walked right in the kitchen door when I got home and I said "Mom, will you marry Dad?" And she looked at me and said "What?!" with a shocked look on her face. My Dad then said, "Shyann, I just told you not to tell her!" Well, I didn't know what that meant. My mom looked at my dad and said, "Are you serious?" My dad said yes. I remember them hugging it out in the kitchen and not long after that, they were married. She said yes, by the way. She wore a red wedding dress and ironically, she hated the color red. She looked beautiful that day.

After my father passed away, my mom and I were best friends. She supported anything I wanted to do and not do. Every single day after school she would be sitting at the kitchen table until I got home. I would come in and she would say, "Hey kid, how was your day at school?" and I would proceed to tell her. Whether it was a bad day or a good day she would always listen. She made sure my homework was done before I would do anything else that night. School work always came first. "If your work is done first then you don't have to worry about it later," she would always tell me. And she was right. My mom made my life easier by teaching me all the tedious things I hated to do, and I learned from it.

Growing up, we never see our parents get sick and when we do, we don't know what to do. My mom came home from work one day and said she was sick. I told her she had to go to the doctor because it was unlike her to feel that way. After a few doctor appointments later, stemming from a UTI, she was diagnosed with bladder cancer. It was a rough road for all of us after that. In October 2011 my mom had passed away. I was 17 and a senior in high school when she passed away.

The day I graduated was a tough one for me. Not having my parents there to see me receive my diploma was heartbreaking. Lucky for me, my grandparents, my uncle, and my cousin were there to see me walk across the stage and throw my cap in the air and say, "I did it!" Now it was on to bigger and better things, as they say.

After all the tears, heartbreak, laughs, and watching people come and go, I've learned that you can't hold on to the past no matter how hard it hurts. And yes, it's going to hurt for a long time, but you can't let that stand in the way of the rest of your life. I have my good days and bad days. Days where I cry and want to stay in and days where I want to be out doing things with my friends and living life. I don't let my past dictate my future. I create my future and I'm in control. This is my story and where I start. To finally be kind of figuring it all out at 23, this is my beginning.