Mom 2.0

October 31st 2016 changed my life forever. I was at work getting ready for the activities that would follow. My grandchildren were coming for trick or treat at my work. Everyone in my office was excited.

A voicemail sent my heart and mind into a spin. A CPS investigator was with my daughter and her children and they needed to speak with me. My whole body began to shake as I called back.

My grandchildren, my baby girl's children, needed a place to go. The conditions in their home weren't safe. I said I'll take them before he could finish. I was living with my other daughter and her 4 children at the time, but that didn't matter, keeping them safe did.

The next few hours were tense. I learned that these three kids had been in a home where violence and access to a variety if weapons was normal. I also learned that my daughter was not who I thought she was. She could stay with her children but only under my supervision.

Within a few weeks, I had to make her leave. She spent more time sneaking out than she did taking care of her children. I, of course, took it as a personal failure. Where had I gone wrong?

Nothing can prepare you for the hoops needed to be appointed a caregiver for children in the custody of the state, even if you're a relative. My whole life was picked apart, but my babies needed me.

Most of the time I was torn between making sure they know they're safe and hoping my daughter will do right by them. I had such hope and faith in her, she's my baby and she was a mother. She would do whatever it takes for them, wouldn't she?

Guilt almost drove me crazy for the first few months. Then having to leave my home and start a new one with my new little family broke my heart. I worried all the time, and I doubted my ability to do this.

I found out that I have a lot of people who love me. I learned once again, that I'm a survivor. I have found my faith and have become stronger.

My daughter is still making bad decisions. She hadn't changed her situation and despite every opportunity, has not completed any of the work needed to get her kids back. I am disappointed, but I can't let that affect me. I have three beautiful reasons not to.

On November 29th 2017, after much discussion, my daughter agreed to placing the children with me permanently. I am officially their mom now. Through the tears, doubt, fear and heartbreak, I have been blessed.

My life isn't what it was, it's better. Grandparents everywhere are finding themselves in my position and they do what they have always done, put their children and grandchildren first.

My journey isn't over, it's just starting and to anyone else going through a difficult situation, I'd like to say, keep your head up. It will get better. ( Yes, I know it's cliché, but true.)