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The Daughter of a Heart Patient

By Frances DennyPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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There are a few things no one wants to know. These things range from actual opinion of if they look fat in that dress to when they will die. But I have known something no child should ever know: that my mom will die when I turn 25, or have her chest cut open once more. I am 18 now.

My mother has had three open heart surgeries; her second one was November 8th, 1999, ten days after I was born. This one she knew would happen because she had to get a mechanical valve to replace the porcine, or pig's, valve she got 9, almost 10, years earlier.

Mechanical valves are only supposed to last 25 years; the reason for this is that most people who have these put in are upwards of 70.

As it ticks away in her chest, with only a few more years left, and as my age gets closer to that of the end, there are so many things that I know she is going to miss in my life, and she does, too.

But I’ve known this since I was 10 and could comprehend the words I read as I looked up heart surgery for a school project. I don’t know when my mom found out that I knew, but I do remember at the age of 9 hearing my mom bawling her eyes out when she learned another valve in her heart had started leaking and she had to have another surgery.

I also remember that after, my mom said she would never have her chest cut open again, even when they started going bad.

This means that my mom will not live to see me turn 30.

My mom might not be there for my wedding. My mom might not be there when I have my kids. I will not be able to call her up and ask how to bring down a temperature of a toddler. I cannot ask my mom when I turn 30 how she dealt with that. I can not talk to my mother about what she would do in certain situations when they pop up.

But I will be able to know how to set up a funeral for a mother. I will know what it is like to have someone cremated. I will know what it like to see my brother and sister cry over my mother’s dead body. I will know what its like to see my stepdad cry over losing the love of his life. All before I turn 30.

I do not have many things to look forward to in that area of my life.

What I have to look forward to may not seem like a lot in comparison, but it is worth the world to me.

I have my parents coming to my graduations. I have my mom telling me weird stories. I have movie nights. I have pedicures. I have gossip. I have late night ice creams. I have phone calls. I have trips. I have cooking. I have back’um up kisses. I have tea parties. I have shopping trips. I have only ones up and midnights. I have reading books. I have singing to the radio. I have late night datelines. I have folding parties. I have things that no one will know of. I have stupid jokes.

I have things that seem insignificant. I have what you may not want. I have what I cherish the most and always will.

But most of all, I will always have our memories together, even when we are not together anymore.

humanity
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