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Life is Complicated

Events That Lead Me Here

By Harley BowersPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I’m not complaining. I know there are people out there who have it worse than I do. But, it doesn’t change the fact that life is complicated in different ways for different people. Today I am writing this because I wanted to vent more or less. So here is a look at my life over the past five months.

May. It’s a beautiful month to be in South Carolina. It’s really starting to warm up. Hair is getting lighter. Skin is getting darker. Nothing complicated about that. Right? Now finding out you’re pregnant is. Plenty of women have gone through it. It’s scary. Life changing. But really, it’s a blessing. Now back to what I was saying... Its sometime in May, I’m at work feeling irritable. After about six hours of being there. After about six hours of being pestered to take a pregnancy test, I did. I go to across the street to the dollar store pick up the test, finally return. While I’m in the bathroom, what seems like forever, I have it set in my mind this thing was going to say “Not Pregnant,” after about five minutes of being there waiting, it came back positive. Imagine the shock.

Now, to make matters even more sticky, I have to go home and tell my parents the good news. Yeah. I didn’t see that going over well with them. So, it’s about a 15 minute drive from work to home, or should I say 15 minutes of nothing but pure anxiety, I pull into the driveway. Get out the car. Walk inside with my head down. Turns out, all the worry was for nothing. My mom is over the moon about it, Dad was neutral: “There ain’t nothing we can do about it now.” But it’s not over yet. I still have to tell my boyfriend, the man I want a future with, that I am having a baby. You know the anxiety that subsided ten minutes ago comes back with revenge. Now, to my surprise, and still shockingly, he was and is more excited about than me.

With good news comes bad news, right? No matter how you look at it. A couple months before I found out I am having a baby we were going back and forth to the hospital for my grandma. She has been sick. We thought she was getting better. But it’s one of those hard facts of life. Nothing is as they seem. That’s what Disney taught us as kids. At one of the visits, the doctor came in and said, “She has six months to live.” He turns and walks out. Six months? Was he kidding? Turns out, she didn’t even have that. About three weeks after I found out I was having a baby, she passed away. I didn’t know how to handle that. She was my best friend. My mentor. She had always been there no matter the stupid decision. What am I supposed to do now? If I am going to be honest with you right now, I still don’t know what to do. Even today.

Now, it’s July. You know, when it rains, it pours. Grandma has been gone for a couple weeks now, and we get hit with the news my mom has to find a new job. Thankfully, she found one after about a week. The only problem was that it is based in Kansas. I can’t leave! I am having this child and I’m not taking him from his daddy. So not only did I just lose one of the most important people in my life, my family has to leave now. That’s great, right? It’s not like they are leaving and taking their support with them. They are supportive even though they live a million miles away, it seems like. Talk about a blessing. But what am I supposed to do?

Now I am living with my boyfriend. With no job. What is there to do? I can’t just live off of him the rest of my days. Mama didn’t raise me to be that way. Now, it’s three months later and I am living two hours away from everything I know. Looking for work which seems almost impossible with a big round belly. I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. You know, I am learning it’s hard starting a new life. Especially when you are not comfortable with change.

Talk about complicating. Or really bad luck? I’ll let you be the judge of that.

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