The first person i had ever lost in life was my Great Grandmother. I remember being around 4 years old and asking my Mom what happened when you died. She would always say you float to Heaven and watch over your loved ones.. told me "see that really bright star in the sky!? Thats great grandma shining down." I took comfort in knowing there was more to life than just earth.
At the age of 11 my brother committed suicide. I was 13 then, I can still remember the day quite vividly. Everything seemed rather usual.. us kids went to school, I came home to my mother leaving the driveway. She said "your brother is grounded but he can come out of his room for supper and to have a shower". What I didn't know was within 5 hours my life would change drastically.
Chase got a phone call around 8:00pm from our stepdad (Mike - he will get his own story someday), to wish him a Happy Birthday. - I forgot to mention Chase took his life 2 days after his 11th birthday. I could hear something wrong in my brothers voice after his phone call but decided to sluff it off as "he just doesn't like Mike".
8:30 pm I yell to my brother that its time for his shower... no answer. I turn the TV down and yell louder "Chase you can have your stupid shower now!" Still no answer. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach as I approach the stairs "Please God Please let everything be ok" I prayed aloud.
Chase was hanging from his bunkbed with a belt. I panicked and grabbed him crying "please don't be dead Chase, please please don't be dead", I screamed "Kaizer bring me the phone, bring me it now" all the while trying to release my brother from his bunk/belt.
It felt like hours before the ambulance got to my place, in reality it couldn't have been more than 10 mins. Our entire neighbourhood came to the house. I was in shock. They all asked me if I was ok but all I could think about was my mom and dad.
My mom had been at work that night and had no idea, dad was at his home 4 hours away. I remember seeing my mom at the hospital. Heartbreak written all over her face as she stared blankly, leg uncontrollably shaking, waiting and hoping for some good news...
Chase was flown by stars to Calgary's Children's Hospital, we got there as the helicopter landed.. it was an hour-and-half drive doing regular speed.
I told my mother "please don't tell me anything unless it's that Chase is ok." I wandered the hospital in hopes to distract myself.. all I could think of was how I could have helped my brother... what if I would have told him to shower earlier, what if I let him out of his room... what if we lived with our dad..
Finally, I decided to head back upstairs to see if doctors had made progress. That is when I saw it.. my fathers eyes were empty and hopeless. A man I only saw as powerful and strong, surrendered and grief ridden. I knew then my brother was gone.
My mother tried to hold me down as I wailed for my brother. She tried to soothe me but I wouldn't have it. She whispered the words "Chase is gone" in my ear, through the lump in the back of her throat.
Our family fell apart worse than it was. My mother was a wreck. Her leg didn't stop shaking for about a year or longer after his death. My father turned to booze and drugs as a source to cope. I turned to my friends. My baby brother, three at the time, would not know his brother. One side of my family blamed my mother, the other side blamed my father. My life had never been neat and tidy but it sure became a lot messier after this.
I just wish I could go back to a time when life seemed easy.
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"Timmy and Rosie: The Tale of Friendship and Determination"
Sometime in the distant past, in a rich green woodland settled between two moving slopes, there carried on with a turtle named Timmy and a hare named Rosie. Timmy was without rushing, while Rosie was quick and vigorous. Regardless of their disparities, they were awesome of companions. Consistently, Timmy and Rosie would play together in the timberland, investigating everywhere, and having great undertakings. Timmy would trudge along consistently, while Rosie would jump and avoid ahead, her unfathomable energy moving her forward. One radiant morning, as they were playing close to the edge of the timberland, they coincidentally found a sign reporting a race through the backwoods to see who was the quickest creature. Invigorated at the possibility of a well disposed rivalry, Rosie quickly proclaimed that she would enter the race. Timmy, notwithstanding, delayed. "I'm not extremely quick," he said, his voice slow and insightful. "I don't think I have a potential for success against the wide range of various creatures." Be that as it may, Rosie wouldn't know about it. "Nonsense!" she shouted, her eyes shimmering earnestly. "We'll enter the race together, Timmy. We might be unique, yet together we can achieve anything!" Thus, with Rosie's support, Timmy hesitantly consented to enter the race. As the day of the race drew nearer, the backwoods hummed with energy, and creatures from all over accumulated to watch the opposition. At the point when the race at long last started, Rosie shot out of the beginning line like a bat out of hell, leaving a path of residue afterward. Timmy, consistent with his temperament, started to trudge along at his own consistent speed, never floundering or neglecting to focus on the way forward. As the race advanced, Rosie dashed ahead, overwhelming an endless series of creatures, her speed unrivaled by some other animal in the timberland. However, as she arrived at the midpoint, she understood something was off-base. She was depleted and winded, her legs hurting from the determined speed. In the interim, Timmy kept on trudging along consistently, his assurance relentless. He might not have been the quickest, however not set in stone to complete the race regardless of anything. As Rosie battled to pause and rest, she heard a natural voice shouting to her. It was Timmy, gradually advancing towards her. With reestablished assurance, Rosie drove herself to her feet and joined Timmy on the way. Together, next to each other, Timmy and Rosie crossed the end goal connected at the hip, to the cheers and praise of the whole woods. While they might not have come out on top in the race, they had accomplished something far more prominent - they had shown that fellowship, assurance, and cooperation can conquer any snag. Also, from that day forward, Timmy and Rosie kept on investigating the backwoods together, their companionship more grounded than at any other time, and their hearts loaded up with the delight of knowing that together, they could achieve anything. As the sun set over the backwoods, Timmy and Rosie sat together under a tall oak tree, considering their experience. Rosie checked out at Timmy with deference in her eyes. "You might not have been the quickest, Timmy, however you were not entirely settled," she said, grinning energetically. "I could never have completed the race without you close by." Timmy grinned back, his shell glimmering in the blurring daylight. "Furthermore, I could never have done it without you, Rosie," he answered. "You instructed me that occasionally, there's no need to focus on how quick you go, yet about daring to continue onward, regardless." From that day forward, Timmy and Rosie's fellowship developed much further, as they kept on investigating the miracles of the woods together. What's more, however they might have been different in numerous ways, they realize that their bond was solid, and that together, they could vanquish any test that came their direction. Thus, in the core of the lavish green timberland, the turtle and the hare lived joyfully ever later, their fellowship a brilliant illustration of the force of collaboration, assurance, or more all, adoration.
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