Fuck Cancer

The Beginning...

It all started years before I was ever thought of... Cancer decided to make an unwelcome visit to our family.

Breast Cancer ✅

Cervical Cancer✅

Leukemia✅

Merkel Cell🖕

Over the course of 15 years she dealt with four different cancers, and remission for eight years with Leuekmia. She beat THREE cancers!

She was stronger then any woman I’d ever known. She was a FIGHTER!!

I was only seven-years-old when I went to South Carolina for two whole months. It was a long 60 days without my parents and little brother, but it was a vacation I’d never forget!

Endless shopping trips, making me breakfast on zoo pal plates (I think of you every time), teaching me how to swim, watching Mexican soap operas—that’s how I choose to remember you. Sure, I can still think back to all the days you were sick and pretended you weren’t, all the times I got to tag along to the doctor's appointments with you (you always brought along pecan rolls and Sunny D). I think it’s the little things I miss the most.

Merkel cell; the fight she got tired of fighting.

Donna Jean Gallier Vazquez, 53, died Sept. 6, 2004, at St. Francis Hospital, after a long, courageous battle with cancer.

You were 658 miles away from me when you went to heaven... I was eight-years-old. I think you took a little bit of all of us with you that day.

I tell myself if I had known then what I know now, I would’ve done things differently.

I would’ve tried to stay up later with you when you couldn’t sleep. I would have let you give me a bowl cut a few more times. I’d ask you to write down all of your delicious recipes, so I could recreate them when I got older. I would most certainly have hugged your tighter and called to listen to your sweet voice more often.

I can remember sprinting to Gma G’s to get you a box of mac n' cheese because that’s all you wanted to eat. Little did I know you were forcing yourself, just to keep from being sicker. You never really could tell you we’re sick. You didn’t let it faze you, but this day I knew something wasn’t right.

But still, I was only young then... and I didn’t at all know what I do now. I didn’t know that summer with you would be my last.

How could I know that soon, you would be gone forever? No more birthday cards with annoying confetti (that took what seemed like forever to clean up). No more South Carolina trips...

No more you.

53 is too young. You’ve missed so much, but heaven has gained the BEST of the BEST!

As our family goes through this all over again, I can only hope you’re here with us.

You may be gone from my sight, but you're in my heart endlessly & forever ❤️

I love you, Grandma..

What Seems Like the End...

Lung cancer✅🖕

We had you beat, but you had to come back for revenge.

An individual doesn’t get cancer, a family does.

As I sit and watch one of the strongest men I’ve ever known crumble before me... I often find myself speechless.

A Marine, a union laborer until retired, and now you have... lung cancer.

We spent Christmas Day together, like always.

We celebrated your 64th birthday three days later. All of us gathered around singing "Happy Birthday" with your favorite, a German chocolate cake (Grandma Donna’s recipe, might I add). We had light up candles, because of the oxygen, 26 was the number. It was a moment we will all cherish forever.

I can’t help but feel like I didn’t come see you enough. I should’ve called more, maybe wrote you a few letters (you're old school, right?).

All I can do now is visit as often as I can. Bring you as many goodies as possible. Ask as many questions as I can think of. Tell you I love you a million and ten times. Get as many hugs you’ll give me. And just be with you until I can’t.

My heart hurts thinking about what you’ll miss. I know it’s selfish but I just wish you were able to stay. I wish we could beat this again, but the odds are against us.

After removing the brain tumor, we were told chemo and radiation will not help. It’s time to bring hospice in.

If one of your favorite people was about to be gone forever... what would you want them to know...?

Grandpa,

I want you to know that I love you. You’ve ALWAYS ALWAYS been my favorite! I’m going to miss you more then you know. I’m sad my son won’t get to experience how fun of a person you were. I’m gonna miss your stories, your jokes, sitting and watching the cardinals games on your lap, coming over to bake cookies and sneaking off to be with you instead. I’ll miss you making fun of how big my feet are... and “I love you too, Sug.”

I already miss your laugh, because I can’t hear it now. I miss your smile. I miss you being able to chop wood for your furnace in the winter. I miss you being able to come out and ride the go-carts with us. I miss YOU.

Cancer has made it impossible for you to do any of those things.

I hate cancer. I hate it.

I hate that I already miss you and your not even gone. I hate that it’s not IF it’s WHEN. It doesn’t make it easier getting time to prepare for such a loss. It doesn’t make it easy when a disease takes over and your loved one just isn’t the same.

Fuck you, cancer!

I pray that everyone in our family gets as much quality time as they need to get closure.

As my fortune cookie said recently;

“Counting time is not as important as making time count.”

Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you daily. You never know when it’ll be their last. ❤️