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Better Children Make for a Better Future

How we can prevent history from repeating itself?

By Mark WilliamsPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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In response to the mounting allegations against Harvey Weinstein, there has been a great deal of noise coming from “fathers of daughters” talking about how they love and respect women, how sexual predation is one of the greatest fears of any father, and how there is a need to protect their daughters from the evils of the world. And, while these are indeed admirable words, for me this raises some far more fundamental questions about how we raise our sons.

Why, instead of the “fathers of girls,” are we not hearing from the “fathers of boys?" Why are we not hearing how repulsed and appalled they are over how these people have behaved?

The sad but inescapable truth is that we, in 2017, are the product of previous generations of men who have openly and publicly shown great disrespect for women. People like Weinstein, who even as far afield as an independent production set in South Wales in the small hours of the morning was maligned by a cast member with a single interaction with the man — a cast member who painted a vivid picture of a loathsome, lascivious and lecherous figure. This, plus countless other anecdotes of his conduct (and that of many of those like him), meant that by the time the current allegations became public, many people were more surprised that they had taken so long to emerge. Men like Jimmy Saville, who used his fame and influence within the BBC to prey upon vulnerable victims who deserved better from an idol. Men like Donald Trump, who was recorded bragging about sexually assaulting women in the same cheery tone you’d expect him to use when lying about a hole-in-one at one of his resorts that no one saw but “really happened. Really. And it was glorious, too. The best hole-in-one ever scored.” It was nonchalant. It was repugnant. It was male.

At this juncture, I should probably pause to remind anyone who’s forgotten that I, too, am male, and I, too, am the father of a daughter, and I’m not here to vilify either simply for being so.

This is where I come in. I’m here to implore all men everywhere to make the difference. Be the change you want to see, and all that. Look at the ways in which we can prevent our children — as well as future generations — from falling into the same trap this generation has fallen into.

  • Let’s teach our children to respect one another as people, on merit, irrespective of gender, sexual orientation, race, class, or religion. If a person is good, nice, or worthy of respect, then show respect, affection or admiration. If a person is an asshole, then judge them for it, but on their words, deeds, and actions rather than on ill-informed prejudices.
  • Let’s teach our children how to apportion blame. If a girl wears high-heels and a short skirt, that does not mean that she is “asking for it.” In fact, as a general rule, let’s teach our children that unless someone specifically asks for something — literally uses words which state that they want something or are in agreement with what’s on offer — they don’t want it.
  • Let’s teach our children to accept responsibility for the choices they make and the actions they take, so that they don’t grow up to feel entitled and they don’t blame their own actions on the influence of others. How often is it reported by the press that paedophiles were often themselves victims of abuse as children, and in abusing children themselves they create a self-sustaining cycle of abuse? Yes, that any child is abused is horrible and should never be acceptable, but nor should it be an excuse for inflicting the same suffering on another innocent being.
  • Let’s teach our children about consent — what it means, how it works and why it is so important — at an age where it is likely to form part of their consciousness, rather than in seminars at college or — worse still — in courtrooms. And let’s not teach our daughters that if a boy pushes them over or calls them names it’s because he likes them. It’s because he doesn’t understand how people are meant to behave, and perpetuates a stereotype of poor behaviour that is socially excused and overlooked, and leads to self-esteem issues in adulthood wherein women constantly seek out relationships with men who treat them poorly and use the level of mistreatment as a barometer for how worthy of love they are. To my own daughter, I’d say this: “If a boy is mean to you, he’s not worthy of your time. If a boy pushes you down or hurts you, get back up and show him that it doesn’t matter to you. Stand up for yourself and show that you won’t just take it. Be strong. Be resolute. Be you.”
  • Let’s give our children good role models — people they can aspire to emulate other than reality TV stars and philandering sportspeople, film, and TV stars, or the other false idols ever-present in our lives. Instead of self-serving, publicity-hungry buffoons like Donald Trump or Boris Johnson, let’s give them leaders who demonstrate compassion, who understand the fundamental complexities of modern society, and who act in the best interests of the people they are elected to represent, rather than themselves and their ilk. In short, let’s give them leaders who lead.

We’re fortunate enough to occupy a period in history where it is harder to escape scrutiny for the things we do wrong, where it is easier to demand accountability, and where we have a real chance — Trump’s bigoted agenda not withstanding — to make a real change towards a truly equal and inclusive society. But we can’t afford to slap ourselves on the back just yet. If we take the time now to look at the things we teach our children, there’s a really good chance that our future could be better than our present.

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About the Creator

Mark Williams

Mid-30s father of one. Writer, Director, Producer and Podcaster. Mainly trying to be a decent husband, father and human being. Generally failing.

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